Whoa. These past two days have been insane.
It all began on Friday night. Basically, I went to a friends house to help her make cupcakes for a baby shower she was hosting the next day, and it basically turned into a raging booze-fest. I woke up with dried up frosting over 70% of my body, a hoarse scratchy throat from the occasional puff I took off of someones ciggie and a major wine hangover.
Yesterday I attended the baby shower to help out with the food and set up stuff. Well, this was not your average baby shower. It didn’t begin until nearly 7pm, and at that point Dolly and I were already two hours into the Makers Mark and the cooler full of beer. Things got real ugly at around 9pm when the tequila came out. Oh, did I forget to mention it was a Mexican baby shower? Yeah, so. Yeah.
Um so I don’t remember much after my 4th shot…actually the last thing I remember hearing was “tequila! tequila!” and being chased around by a little Guatemalan man waving around a bottle of Cuervo. Anyway, I woke up this morning with dried up drool on my cheek and all the way down my shoulder ; fully clothed and fully sick to my stomach. I could probably be classified as toxic waste. Like every inch of my being is screaming mad so I am taking a breather, which includes breathing in no smoke of any kind, and hitting the detox hard core. So long vodka, hello distilled water. Fun-ness.
Oh, also, my friend Dolly has moved back from NY and he gave me a new hat last night (which he is probably regretting now as it was his favorite). Its a NY Rangers Hockey hat from like the 1800′s. I am so thrilled because it has all the charm my Jets hat had with a slight hint of RICH sauce. To Die For Fabulousness.
Happy Sunday, the weather is goooorgeous in the city which makes my current ill state a little more bearable. I am gonna take a nap and then attempt to sweat out the impurities without puking up the mounds of food I consumed last night.. be well lovies.
11 Comments
hey hey hey
did i miss any?
that’s for sure…
Hey U!!!
Miss ya! Welcome back to crazy times!
xo
C
hehehe….
http://www.froggyssaloon.com/froggy/_admin/images/medium/med_froggy-tequilla.jpg
-Best Mexican invention ever….!
-http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_etDmQtjiZYw/Rkqw5Ldd4eI/AAAAAAAAACw/xpT78ZW1sFw/s400/tequilla.GIF
FREE BEER
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over
the bar: FREE BEER FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
Bartender: “Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of
pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can’t make a face
while doing it. SECOND, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore
tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there’s
a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things
right for her.
Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You
have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and they get
crazier from there.
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, “Wherez
zat teeqeelah?” He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands,
and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face.
Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear
the most frightning roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and
big scratches all over his body.
“Now” he says “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”
Bar Room Translations
1. “YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME.”
(We won’t be here long enough to get another round.)
2. “I’LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU.”
(Happy hour is about to end…drafts are now a dollar, but by
the next round they’ll be $4.50 a pop.)
3. “HEY, WHERE IS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?”
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get
your attractive friend into a compromising position.)
4. “CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL.” (FEMALE)
(I’m easy.)
5. “CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL.” (MALE)
(I’m gay.)
6. “EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?” (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to
lick you.)
7. “EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?” (FEMALE TO MALE)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I’ll do to
you on the ride home?)
8. “I DON’T FEEL WELL, LET’S GO HOME.” (FEMALE)
(You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)
9. I DON’T FEEL WELL, LET’S GO HOME.” (MALE)
(I’m horny.)
10. “WHO’S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?”
(I haven’t bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an
expert at diverting attention.)
11. “EXCUSE ME.” (MALE TO MALE)
(Get the hell out of the way.)
12. “EXCUSE ME.” (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am going to grope you now.)
13. “EXCUSE ME.” (FEMALE TO MALE)
(Don’t even think about groping me, just get the hell out of
the way.)
14. “EXCUSE ME.” (FEMALE TO FEMALE)
(Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You
are not all that, missy, and don’t think for one minute
that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho… Get
your eyes off of my man, or I’ll slap you, bitch,
like the slut you are.)
15. “WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?”
(What’s cheap?)
16. “CAN I HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN?” (MALE)
(I’m really gay.)
17. “CAN I HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN?” (FEMALE)
(I’m really easy.)
18. “THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR.”
(Did I sleep with him/her?)
19. CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?” (FEMALE)
(I’m annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)
20. I DON’T HAVE MY ID ON ME.” (FEMALE)
(I’m 19.)
21. “I DON’T HAVE MY ID ON ME.” (MALE)
(I don’t have a license since I got pulled over and blew
a 0.4 after my last visit here)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9jgM0UlhWc
” quero tomar tequilla….”
quiero….(my Spanish isn’t what is was before….)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVKsd8z6scw&feature=related
Well ok….this isn’t not much funny….posted anyway…haha…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqv-2emERFw
This is one good looking dude…..OMG….am I turning to be gay now…..???
Hahahah Oh Frankzzz I love you.