To top this list are jerks and assholes. I just don’t like them in my life.
Dust. I hate dust…perhaps more than I hate jerks and assholes.
Of course, there is nothing better to not like than a hypocrite. For example, giving me “fake grief” for popping a Valium now and then, or for drinking too much, only to brag about how you do “illegal recreational drugs” occasionally and ENJOY THEM is completely bullshit. You lost all respect from me buddy. Not because of the drug use but because you are a fucking fool.
Removing false eyelashes. Note to makeup artists: please inform your models that you are using a glue which requires a special remover to get the darn things off. I nearly tore off my entire eyelid after a shoot a few weeks back.
People who don’t use twitter. It’s like the best parts of Facebook all in one.
Lastly, I cannot like when the beach in Pacifica is sunnier and warmer than the beach 5 blocks from my house. It’s like a sick joke.
——— new topic
The other night we had a bonfire at the beach (if you were on twitter you’d know this) and it was almost a lot of fun until I stood up. Have you ever tried walking through sand while intoxicated? Not easy! It was up ,two staggers forward, fall on my ass…repeat. At one point I gave up and told my husband to go home and to just leave me there. I couldn’t fucking do it. Well, I drunk dialed Bill and somehow that gave me the strength I needed to make it to the steps, leading up to the parking lot, which I fell down and bloodied up my foot. Yeah! At least I didn’t get arrested this time. Phew!
Actually, the best part of whatever happened, was in the morning when I woke up … I walked into the bathroom to find some random plant, like a houseplant, in the toilet. I calmly went back into the bedroom, leaving a trail of sand behind me, and said to my half passed out husband “honey, um, would you happen to know WHY there is a plant in the toilet?” he had no clue either so we blame the dog. Again, if you were following me on Twitter you’d have seen the picture.
Alright, I’m already bored. Also, about this detox thing. I was really tired when I made that commitment so I have declared that wine is not considered alcohol and I can drink it freely. Also, red meat is the new white meat and Bacon doesn’t make you die.
Nipples,
cl
xoxo
Bonus round:
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3 Comments
Plant in the toilet? My guesses are either:
1) You (yes you and not your husband) thought the plant looked a tad underwatered and wanted to provide some water.
2) You (yes you and not your husband) thought the plant looked a tad underfertilized but did not have fertilizer, so you devised a plan to provide your own fertilizer
3) You (yes you and not your husband) had to go really really bad and just grabbed the closest bucket shaped device (a planter) and went. I suggest you have your husband check the planter.
4) You (yes you and not your husband) poured a bottle of vodka into the the old porcelain godess in an attempt to create a new concoction to imbibe upon but were out of fruity garnish.
5) You (yes you and not your husband) did something seriously wrong and are trying to cover it up by diverting attention with the ole plant in the toilet routine.
I have no idea what you are talking about. I would NEVER do such a thing, I don’t think… although I do like your reasoning, all very valid. Oh, I forgot to mention that it wasn’t even our plant, it belonged to the neighbor. Oops.
Colleen is just a sleepwalker,thats the explanation