preposterous.
Category Archives: 100% winner
Need…. Vodka….Now
July 16, 2010
(I had a birthday, last week,and this was the beginning of a party which ended the following day at 5:00am. It sure has been a while since I’ve come home just as the sun was rising! All I can say is F-U-N.)
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It’s hot and the water here doesn’t seem to be working.
Yesterday as I was walking to the store to grab some things for dinner my body went numb and heavy, I couldn’t breathe, the ground started to go all swirly and then my kneed buckled. I had to call Husband to come and walk me home. It was THAT bad.
I am not new when it comes to HEAT…However, I am pretty damn new in regards to HUMID and I think it was the sticky “holy fuck am I breathing in a sauna that I cannot get out of” feeling that sent me into a panic, which then turned into a full blown panic attack. Either that or I was having a stroke, which is what I thought was happening, or had happened, initially, due to the fact that the entire right side of my body went completely limp/numb and I lost control of my balance. It was just a little bit scary.
I guess you can say that I have been over exerting myself. I repeat, for the millionth time, there is not a drop of A/C anywhere in this country and so when it’s 92 and humid outside, it is 900 and humid inside. I have continued working out every day despite the heat and we live on the 4th floor, sans lift, so I get my fair share of sweat inducing exercise every day. In addition to being parched, the heat causes me to lose my appetite. Getting in 1/2 a meal a day is hard and it happens late at night after it’s cooled off. So I am sure that I am deficient in about 50 million vitamins and dehydrated to hell. The water here is ALL mineral water, loaded with sodium, so I never FEEL hydrated even after drinking 4 liters of the stuff. Anyway, thankfully today I feel much better. I had a good nights sleep with tons of interesting dreams and today not a single incident.
(no I am not on birth control, I am not pregnant, nor was I drunk or on any other substance…and I don’t smoke anything other than poles)
A cool and FUN thing about this weather is that we got to go visit the see, which is a “lake” here. It is a 15 – 20 minute walk from Husband’s work so we have gone, both times, in the evening which is great because there is still enough sun to get some color (sun has been setting around 9:30pm here) but it’s not so blazing hot. Husband got brave and actually went in the water. I opted not to because I don’t like not knowing what I am stepping on, because lakes kind of creep me out, and also because there were about a dozen semi and fully naked octogenarians wading in that same water. First lesson learned : Never look around more than you need to.
So we got some sun and a bit of color, which was nice, it even felt a little like Hawaii as we walked home and a random thunderstorm passed overhead, even though it was still well in to the 80′s. Felt good
…oh, and in case you were wondering, Speedos are alive and well here in Munich, particularly popular among the “traditional Bavarian” shaped men… so gross. It was really hard to eat at the biergarten with massive men in tiny tight panties walking past us, strutting their really disgusting stuff. Really hard (much easier to DRINK in that situation). It was really frightening. Almost as frightening as when I peered upon two antique men walking side by side, NUDE, have a chat as their peckers were swinging, side to side, in sync. It was so horrible that I am going to stop, NOW.
In other news, we FINALLY got our car back yesterday. We were both a bit nervous about driving it, let alone PARKING it but we drove it, got lost again and managed to park it (where it will remain for a loooong time) without a hitch. I did mention that it costs us 100,00 euro to fill the tank right? Right.
This weekend should be fun. Tonight, after dinner, we are going to go check out the Tollwood festival over at Olympia park. Hope to have an early night (suuuuure) so that we can get some serious sightseeing in while the weather is nice. Tomorrow, after waking up bright and early (HAH), we are heading to St. Peter’s church at Marienplatz. Apparently the view of the city is spectacular from the top of the tower, can’t wait for that. Afterward we plan on going to the outdoor market and then on Sunday we are going here. Check back for photos!
Oh gee, I completely FORGOT to mention that I have my first job interview next week at Amazon (.de)!! Whoo hoo! I am SO getting this position.
Alright, more updates to follow. Have a happy weekend! Get laid.
Let’s face it, I’m overqualified to work.
July 7, 2010
Previously…
Deployment Manager
Privately Held ; Internet industry
October 2007 – August 2008 (11 months)
Other than working a lot and then getting laid off at the worst time possible, I invented two drinks: The Avalanche beta and The Avalanche alpha ,at a company party…
Both contained equal parts of rum and mountain dew.
Beta contained a splash of pineapple
Alpha contained a splash of cranberry.
The End.
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insert boring here
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QA Engineer
Privately Held ; Computer Games industry
2000 – 2003 (3 years)
Basically, I showed up everyday…(oftentimes I was still drunk from the night before so a co-worker had to drive me in), sat around with the rest of my hard working, loud farting, department and made fun of marketing and sales.
I had a fish tank, with a live fish in it, on my desk. One of the majorly cracked out customer support reps dropped LSD into the tank for fun, after I had gone home one evening, and killed it.
Other than that, we partied a lot, I smoked a lot of cigarettes and I laughed a lot…in fact, I was called into the office once because “I laughed for 20 minutes straight” – cheers to middle management!
… and lastly, contrary to popular belief, I was not screwing the CEO.
Thanks for the good times.
xx
Honors and Awards: Far too many to count..I am just that outstanding.
Every Beer Helps ™
I will never be German enough.
July 6, 2010
So today I was pretty much told that I wasn’t German enough for the positions which were available (web dev./design) through this firm (they read my AMERICAN resume and still contacted me??). I said, that sucks, considering us McEnglish speaking Americans OWN the innernets, yeah “.com” came long before “.de” was even “.around” … he was confused because I appeared so professional on the website which is when I straight up told him that my vagina can make coffee… and then I proceeded to curse him out in Spanish and even threw in some Italian (C’moooooooon!) for shits and gigs.
It’s ok because I don’t wanna work anyway, like 20% of the population doesn’t even bother, so why should I. I have a nice pad, and a darling figure (supple, pouting fake breasts… firm thighs). Besides,I like sitting around watching the dirt accumulate under my toes. I just slap a coat of paint on these bad boys before I leave the house and nobody knows that I have no life! Success!
.. off to go recycle some bottles so that I can afford dinner.
husband: you like this position?
me: which one, there were like 4
husband: engagement manager
husband: you get to engage
husband: with customers
me: as long as i don’t have to touch them
P.S. Apparently Google “forgot” to get back to me after I applied for the the position as Senior VP of the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button last week, so I am just gonna show up on Friday… and pretend that I had an interview scheduled and that they must have “screwed” up their calendar, total douchers.
CHOW
C’mooooooon
July 6, 2010
Daisy and Fritz at our local hang out, Esszimmer.
It is definitely a love (ok, we are the same size, and there is no way you’ll win in a fight) /hate (come any closer though and I’ll scratch your eyes out) relationship. They are quite cute together, and friendly, at a distance.
Daisy of course, is very curious around cats. She has the instinct to do “something” when a cat comes around, yet once the cat is there, in her face, she hasn’t got the slightest idea what she should do next…and the cat always wins. Poor D.
This week started out with a hangover. Pretty typical considering that beer is .50 here and water is 2,50. We actually had a nice weekend. Friday we went and saw a play that a friend helped put on. It was fun, except for that it was in a tiny theater, so there was no intermission, and we had to hold it for nearly 1.5 hours. Saturday we watched Germany knit new buttholes for Argentina. That was one amazing game. As before, we got there 2-3 hours early to get a seat, which meant 2-3 hours of additional beer. So after the match we headed back home for a 2-3 hour nap. Sunday was sort of blah. We had plans to go to a BBQ but we had that “not so fresh feeling” so we hung out at home, had a few recovery beers in the English Garden, and then ended the night at our favorite Indian restaurant.
Sunday Morning’s Bloody Mary did not feel good on Monday. But it was 4th of July, after all… oh say can you see (straight).
Yesterday I began applying to jobs. Like seriously applying, cover letter and all. Yep, it’s that time ladies. My German is still not great, but if I am working behind a computer it wont be necessary to be fluent. A paycheck would be sweet!
Anyway, the count down is on until the couches arrive, our car is still in the shop, and my corns are killin’ me. Gotta go and perhaps I’ll see ya later
Word.













