Joan of Arse - Read it and Weep » 100% winner http://www.joanofarse.com/blog keepin' the dream alive. Sat, 04 Sep 2010 12:45:45 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 Stay tuned… http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/stay-tuned/ http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/stay-tuned/#comments Mon, 30 Aug 2010 14:35:10 +0000 JOA http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/?p=3599 For the 1st edition, in the really retarded series titled: “The Adventures of Ghey Horse from Macaroni and Bullshit, his side kick #2 Pencil Dick and the insecure drunkard, Pony Minimus!”

It’s going to be epic. Don’t miss out.

]]> http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/stay-tuned/feed/ 1 unreal. http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/unreal/ http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/unreal/#comments Sun, 29 Aug 2010 17:05:18 +0000 JOA http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/?p=3586 Trevor Lanz: i got this message from paltalk:

> FireTalk closed down. HearMe closed down. And even > PhoneFree is no longer free. Meanwhile, PalTalk is > fully committed to being a free service and > maintaining high quality voice. So how do we do > this? First, we never overextended; no fancy > offices, no fat salaries or bloated payrolls. > Second, we integrated advertisements into Paltalk > long ago.\

Trevor Lanz: i replied “suckit”

[7:02:58 PM] Trevor Lanz: bitches. [7:03:00 PM] Joan of Arse: HAAHHAHA [7:03:10 PM] Joan of Arse: no way

2001 was a GREAT year haha:

the original is:

> Who are you reeeeebitch?
> Do you still working in the computers? If you want
> to
> come, you are welcome in my house. We can go to the
> bich and get drunk in the city. collme at: (3 or
> 33?area code)+36380084. I can go for you to the
> aerport.
> collme soon sucker.      PANCHO

hahaahHAAHAGDHADJDJAH fucking Pancho HAHAHAH

> > Ok TREVOR mother fugger, you going to see whats
> going on whit your facking ass when Im going back to
> San Francisco. Im thinking abaut going back, naw Im
> playing whit my brother in a band, but I need more
> time for make this proyect good. so I tell christ
> bitch michell if he have yet a room. the only thing
> is
> that I have to star looking a new job and ebrithing
> in
> San Francisco. I miss you to estuped bitch. see you
> soon trabel.
>              FACKING PANCHO

I am laughing so hard .. I can’t…hahaha haha aha ah facking ass hahahahahahahh BAHAHAHAHAH christ biiitch mitchell HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“ebrithing” hahahaheahearhjarhh WTF HBAHGAHAHJAHHA

[7:18:35 PM] Trevor Lanz: no, he is Pancho. Yes, THE Pancho.
[7:18:58 PM] Joan of Arse: see you soon Trabel?
[7:19:02 PM] Joan of Arse: hahhasahahahagaqrgagrgrgragrgragag
[7:19:11 PM] Trevor Lanz: he alwaaaays called me trabel
[7:19:14 PM] Trevor Lanz: he thought that was my name
[7:19:17 PM] Joan of Arse: HAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAAHAH
[7:19:22 PM] Trevor Lanz: he could not say trevor
[7:19:29 PM] Joan of Arse: hhahhahaherharharhhrhahhhahashha
[7:19:39 PM] Joan of Arse: my bACK IN SPASMS IM LAUGHING SO HARD

http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1430277117&ref=ts

]]> http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/unreal/feed/ 0 A Dedication to The Fish http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/a-dedication-to-the-fish/ http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/a-dedication-to-the-fish/#comments Sat, 28 Aug 2010 12:37:51 +0000 JOA http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/?p=3556 Dear Dead Fish,

I miss you a lot. You were a great car…

- you never got me busted for a DUI. Sometimes, I honestly believe that you drove yourself, cause quite frankly I didn’t always remember how I got home.

- I crashed you into other cars and into the center divide on New Years Eve and you never once complained…even after being buried under 4 feet of snow in Lake Tahoe, you started right up..you were solid as a rock.

- you lived to 320,000 miles. That in itself deserves some sort of recognition.

- not only were you my car, my very special car, but you were also my home when my parents threw me out.

- you never took offense when the guys at Swedish Motors nearly refused to fix you because “it was a waste of money”… I never gave up on you and eventually I convinced them that you were worth it.

- you were THE party car. EVERYONE loved you and people showered you with gifts. One guy at work even thought that you should be part of all San Francisco “tours”…you were a vision alright.

..remember that time I had seven people packed in at once, tailpipe dragging along the ground..everyone singing, drinking .. some even got so happy in the back seat they started snorting coke.

- you smelled a little bit like a combination of puke and urine… and used condoms (thanks Petunia) but I felt it gave you character…and eventually the smell grew on me.

- you had about 500 signatures of people who rode in you carved into the rooftop interior..and someone once commented “it’s like a museum in here”. You were THAT cool.

- you had no breaks 3/4 of the time..but hey, that’s what 2nd gear is for, right?

- you started with a screwdriver. Yes..a flat head screwdriver. And you had no reverse gear (thank god for the hills in San Francisco, right??)

…and remember that one time when the emergency break went out and you rolled down a hill and into the side of a hotel room? That was neat. And remember all of those trips to Reno in the middle of the night? Oh and how about the times we would park you at the gas station after the clubs had closed, blasted our music and danced on top of you until the sun came up…we sure had a lot of fans. Hey, and how can we forget how you were almost towed away while parked at my office because security thought you were an “abandoned vehicle”. Typical Bastards…

Yeah, those were the good old days. Miss them, but sometimes I don’t but then I usually do again..sometimes.

Oh fuck remember when your muffler fell off and you were so loud it scared the shit out of people? Yeah, it was kind of embarrassing…

Either way, here’s to you. Thanks for the pix Mike. I really did shed about 2000 tears (and nearly had to up my meds).

LONG LIVE THE DEAD FISH (a title given to you by a former co-worker because you resembled a dead fish with it’s eyes popping out due to the fucked up headlight situation)

the fashionable, overstated interior:

A front view, this was after you ran into the hotel and were crashed on the freeway…and other stuff. Dead fish, the resemblance is apparent.

rear view: (note the sombrero in the back seat)

RIP lil buddy. You will always be a part of my footer.

]]> http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/a-dedication-to-the-fish/feed/ 3 It’s just…BOB. http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/its-just-bob/ http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/its-just-bob/#comments Fri, 27 Aug 2010 10:26:42 +0000 JOA http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/?p=3537 Husband: “Why do you have BOB written on your arm”

Me: “I don’t really have a good explanation for that…actually”

..ok, it was a lie. I have a very scientific explanation for it. I was demonstrating to the people who get off watching my act like an idiot on the innernets that BOB was such a powerful word because no matter which way you turn it, it’s always..well, BOB (ok it seemed logical and genius at the time). Anyway, here it is…

Karate-chop BOB

this last one has nothing to do with BOB but I thought it was funny how long and stupid my arm looked.

]]> http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/its-just-bob/feed/ 3 ha ha ha http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/ha-ha-ha/ http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/ha-ha-ha/#comments Sun, 22 Aug 2010 17:11:30 +0000 JOA http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/?p=3533 [7:07:17 PM] Joan of Arse: yeah ok tongue face
[7:07:21 PM] Joan of Arse: come lick this
[7:07:22 PM] Joan of Arse: hahah
[7:07:25 PM] Trevor Lanz: tongueface?!
[7:07:30 PM] Trevor Lanz: oh no you dihuh
[7:07:32 PM] Joan of Arse: sorry its my 2 year anniv. im feeling randy
[7:07:36 PM] Trevor Lanz: aw
[7:07:37 PM] Trevor Lanz: congrats
[7:07:46 PM] Joan of Arse: fuck off
[7:07:47 PM] Joan of Arse: hahah
[7:07:50 PM] Trevor Lanz: you’re the best
[7:07:56 PM] Joan of Arse: your the WORST
[7:08:02 PM] Joan of Arse: hahah YOU’RE EVEN
[7:08:12 PM] Joan of Arse: HAHAHAHA
[7:08:25 PM] Trevor Lanz: yer a poopsac AND a jackwagon
[7:08:27 PM] Joan of Arse: hahahaha
[7:08:35 PM] Joan of Arse: pewpsaxaphone
[7:08:40 PM] Trevor Lanz: sacsaphone
[7:08:49 PM] Trevor Lanz: get it? sacs. hah.
[7:08:49 PM] Trevor Lanz: hi
[7:08:54 PM] Joan of Arse: nutsacsaphone
[7:08:55 PM] Joan of Arse: hahhaha
[7:09:06 PM] Joan of Arse: what is WRONG WITH US
[7:09:25 PM] Trevor Lanz: sacsaphone, skinflute, thrombone, ballsoon..
[7:09:27 PM] Trevor Lanz: you play em all
[7:09:36 PM] Joan of Arse: hahahah
[7:09:40 PM] Joan of Arse: i do i do
[7:09:45 PM] Trevor Lanz: we’re like peter pan, but we can’t fly. something like that.
[7:09:56 PM] Joan of Arse: oh ok
[7:09:57 PM] Joan of Arse: hahaha

[7:10:13 PM] Trevor Lanz: you know, how he never grew up, and he wears green hats and little slippers. ya know, like we do.
[7:11:10 PM] Joan of Arse: ahahah yeah

]]> http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/ha-ha-ha/feed/ 1 Wow, I stumbled across this.. http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/wow-i-stumbled-across-this/ http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/wow-i-stumbled-across-this/#comments Sat, 21 Aug 2010 09:14:04 +0000 JOA http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/?p=3527 and nearly pissed my skirt when reading them.. these were from 2007. I was on my cam and talking to whackers… too funny. The first one is the BEST cause it was a Herman (who knew I’d be LIVING in Hermany 3 years later HA HA HA)

*I was logged in as cleopatraxjones*

internetstrolch1963: sorry my english is not good
(00:32:10) cleopatraxjones: are you italian
(00:32:15) internetstrolch1963: no germany
(00:32:34) cleopatraxjones: HAH
(00:32:36) cleopatraxjones: sweeet
(00:32:40) cleopatraxjones: i LOVE sausages\

zuupaman: you are so totally stunningly, fantastically, amasimgly beautiful
(00:26:35) zuupaman: :P
(00:26:45) cleopatraxjones: you should be saying that to your wife not me
(00:26:46) cleopatraxjones: ;)
cleopatraxjones: do you meat other ladies
(00:27:20) zuupaman: nope
(00:27:21) cleopatraxjones: like hump them
(00:27:40) zuupaman: not until you decide to come in here tonight….;)
(00:28:02) zuupaman: true actuallly……im a chatter not a cheater….
(00:28:20) cleopatraxjones: good
(00:28:39) cleopatraxjones: cause cheating is a horrible quality in a man… especially for a lawyer …

webroaming: i am a manager in a big corporation
(00:14:58) webroaming: i manage a group of Software engineers
(00:16:18) cleopatraxjones: what company
(00:16:36) webroaming: Cisco
(00:16:41) webroaming: u heard of it?
(00:16:49) cleopatraxjones: hahahah yeah
(00:16:53) cleopatraxjones: like the drink?
(00:16:55) webroaming: ok good
(00:16:57) cleopatraxjones: thats sweet
(00:17:02) cleopatraxjones: i used to loove berry cisco
(00:17:37) webroaming: geez love ur breasts
(00:18:17) cleopatraxjones: hey romy
(00:18:20) cleopatraxjones: ow old are you
(00:18:28) webroaming: aha
(00:18:33) webroaming: take a guess
(00:18:36) cleopatraxjones: 35
(00:18:41) cleopatraxjones: 22
(00:18:45) cleopatraxjones: 500bc
(00:18:50) cleopatraxjones: i dunno
(00:18:54) webroaming: 500bc
(00:19:01) webroaming: lol
(00:19:03) webroaming: i am 45
(00:19:20) webroaming: too old for young woman like u

cleopatraxjones: or should i guess
(22:18:33) nlsurfer: ah well
(22:18:40) cleopatraxjones: hahhaha
(22:18:46) cleopatraxjones: hows life outside of your pants
(22:18:50) nlsurfer: hard

…love the boys…

]]> http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/wow-i-stumbled-across-this/feed/ 1 Since, it’s been a while since I’ve posted some… http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/since-its-been-a-while-since-ive-posted-some/ http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/since-its-been-a-while-since-ive-posted-some/#comments Wed, 18 Aug 2010 07:03:13 +0000 JOA http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/?p=3518 good old fashioned creepy internet predator chat, check out this log from last night. It’s swell and, yes, I locked my doors, my windows and my husband’s butthole(s) after ending the chat (ya never know there appear to be a lot of Ghey horses in these parts). NO, I am not hiding names here, you were just THAT neat creepy :

[12:47:52 AM] *** Missed call from Wulf. ***
[12:48:31 AM] Wulf: hi im mark, and im in munich

[12:48:31 AM] Joan of Arse: Joan of Arse has shared contact details with Wulf.
[12:48:46 AM] Joan of Arse: are you my smelly neighbor?
[12:48:47 AM] Joan of Arse: hahaha
[12:48:56 AM] Wulf: i hope not
[12:49:08 AM] Joan of Arse: uuuuum
[12:49:10 AM] Wulf: lol
[12:49:20 AM] Joan of Arse: why are you in munich if it says you are in london
[12:49:43 AM] Wulf: work
[12:49:48 AM] Joan of Arse: ah
[12:49:49 AM] Wulf: in a hotel
[12:50:17 AM] Wulf: and u
[12:50:30 AM] Joan of Arse: chilling in my stable
[12:50:43 AM] Wulf: can u cam
[12:51:08 AM] Joan of Arse: no because i am going to bed…and because i have to laugh..
[12:51:27 AM] Wulf: r u in town now
[12:51:33 AM] Joan of Arse: I live here.
[12:51:40 AM] Wulf: i c
[12:51:44 AM] Wulf: do u have a pic
[12:51:46 AM] Joan of Arse: im like chatting to my stabler keeper
[12:51:55 AM] Joan of Arse: you cant see my pic? hahah
[12:52:01 AM] Wulf: nope
[12:52:02 AM] Joan of Arse: you can see … go to my website
[12:53:19 AM] Joan of Arse: where do you work
[12:53:49 AM] Wulf: im a partner in PE firm Premium Investment
[12:54:07 AM] Joan of Arse: What is that…do you own a horse?
[12:54:11 AM] Joan of Arse: or a helicopter?
[12:54:20 AM] Wulf: nope
[12:54:34 AM] Joan of Arse: oh
[12:54:45 AM] Wulf: im fund investor
[12:54:45 AM] Joan of Arse: how did you find my skype?
[12:54:48 AM] Joan of Arse: oh ok
[12:54:56 AM] Wulf: just boared

[12:55:04 AM] Wulf: skype search
[12:55:19 AM] Joan of Arse: boared? hmm what did you search for
[12:55:47 AM] Wulf: just female in munich  (*which is a untrue, FYI. I am not “search-able” this way*)
[12:56:06 AM] Joan of Arse: where are you from originally
[12:56:11 AM] Wulf: london
[12:56:22 AM] Wulf: you
[12:56:33 AM] Joan of Arse: which part
[12:56:44 AM] Wulf: St johnswood
[12:56:51 AM] Joan of Arse: ah ok
[12:56:54 AM] Wulf: u
[12:57:00 AM] Joan of Arse: California
[12:57:16 AM] Joan of Arse: hey i have to go
[12:57:23 AM] Joan of Arse: im talking to my groomer
[12:57:26 AM] Joan of Arse: of ghey horse inc.
[12:57:30 AM] Wulf: pity would have loved to see you
[12:57:31 AM] Joan of Arse: have a good one
[12:57:50 AM] Joan of Arse: yeah well … life isn’t always fair.. trust me ;)
[12:58:50 AM] Wulf: if you change your mind and adventurous im in the westin
[12:59:50 AM] *** Call from Wulf declined. ***
[1:00:22 AM] Joan of Arse: i cant sorry. busy, new shipment of hooves coming in

[1:00:46 AM] Wulf: thats tomorrow- there is today and now

[1:01:33 AM] Joan of Arse: they are coming now today and tomorrow sorry. BUT I AM SURE that if you go OUT you will meet lots of lovely ladies who would love to do whatever it is you want to do. U know bars are open LATE here and some NEVER close. ok
[1:02:06 AM] Wulf: can i invite you for lunch
[1:02:18 AM] Wulf: or polo match in london
[1:04:42 AM] Joan of Arse: Im sorry I can’t… ahahah ghey horse polo?
[1:06:14 AM] Wulf: no one said ghey
[1:06:20 AM] Wulf: i said polo
[1:06:46 AM] Joan of Arse: i dont know how to play
[1:06:48 AM] Joan of Arse: sorry
[1:07:02 AM] Wulf: no matter the option is open
[1:07:15 AM] Wulf: and if u change your mind call me
[1:07:42 AM] Joan of Arse: but why? u don’t even know me? I could be a touchy feely accordion player?
[1:08:05 AM] Wulf: dont know going my instinct here
[1:08:33 AM] Wulf: gomez is latin so i trust, maybe will work
[1:10:11 AM] Wulf: take care
[1:10:18 AM] Joan of Arse: k thanks
[1:10:22 AM] Joan of Arse: bye
[1:10:39 AM] Wulf: and if u wish to play send me your number or ill give u mine
[1:11:10 AM] Joan of Arse: play what? chess?
[1:11:32 AM] Wulf: passionate lusty sex
[1:11:44 AM] Joan of Arse: nope can’t do that but have a nice night
[1:11:47 AM] Joan of Arse: bye
[1:11:51 AM] Wulf: bye
[1:12:13 AM] Joan of Arse: you know, you can pay people for that
[1:12:20 AM] Joan of Arse: there ARE professionals for that sort of thing
[1:12:23 AM] Joan of Arse: not skypers
[1:12:27 AM] Joan of Arse: …that you dont know
[1:12:31 AM] Joan of Arse: just a suggestion
[1:13:04 AM] Wulf: thx
[1:13:07 AM] Wulf: night

]]> http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/since-its-been-a-while-since-ive-posted-some/feed/ 8 It’s that time ladies!!! http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/its-that-time-ladies/ http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/its-that-time-ladies/#comments Thu, 12 Aug 2010 15:24:34 +0000 JOA http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/?p=3497

]]> http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/its-that-time-ladies/feed/ 1 Twitter cut me off again… http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/twitter-cut-me-off-again/ http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/twitter-cut-me-off-again/#comments Thu, 05 Aug 2010 17:12:33 +0000 JOA http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/?p=3468 Guess I “went over my limit”…sigh.

Sorry sluts.

xx
Coll

]]> http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/twitter-cut-me-off-again/feed/ 0 Get a room. http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/get-a-room/ http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/get-a-room/#comments Tue, 03 Aug 2010 15:16:50 +0000 JOA http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/?p=3422 Ok, now that that’s out of the way… Happy Tuesday!

I have been going through files on my laptop because I am running out of space and I hit a wall the other day as I was uploading a shit load of high res photos, which take up a shitload of space, to my server: I fucking ran out of space there also!?!? WTH?

Anyway, so today I was going through my web archive and realized it’s been eleven years since I first launched this site. (remember last year, when it was TEN?! haha) Pretty crazy how much the site has evolved and grown, yet I am still the same old doucher. Damn.

I am annoyed, bye for now.

Lissen me

]]> http://www.joanofarse.com/blog/get-a-room/feed/ 1