Category Archives: Boring Announcements


Ten.

January 3, 2010

June 2000

This site began as a joke, in June of 2000, with a poorly scanned in pixelated photo of my ass, a whole lot of boredom at work, a domain name I thought I’d never use, 1.5 liters of wine, and a few 1990′s nerd skillz… However,  it soon spread throughout the land and before I knew it my ass was appearing on peoples desktops at work, in bathroom stalls, and on the prison cell walls of a few lowly inmates.

Throughout the years this site was a place for me to express my inner idiot. There was no rhyme or reason to what was posted, no real BLOG (did they even exist?) yet I did what I did and got a few fans in the process.

Anyway, in Honor of TEN years of complete and utter nonsense, I have scrounged up a few snippets and screen shots from the previous years and posted them below…look how far we’ve come INNERNETS!

Thanks for reading me.

Thanks for laughing at me, rather than with me.

Thanks for still wanting to see my tits after all these years and thanks for returning to this site when I refuse.

Here’s to many more years of debauchery, nervous breakdowns breakdancing, and rudeness.

xox

———————————————————————-

2000-2007:

The ass that started it all:

My very first attempt at writing a guestbook:

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Misc. Screen Shots

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If you ever need a cocktail to go with your porn, or an abortion, never live in Utah… trust me.

then I got hooked on Everquest… and nearly needed an intervention.

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…and then there were the comments

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…

back, by indirect popular demand:

…and then I shut down for a while and now here we are.

  • Say What?: I am in excruciating pain. That's what. Now fetch me a fucking scotch.
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  • Current Mood: sentimental, grouchy, glad it's over...
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…and I’m not being cute (update PIX)

December 27, 2009

Christmas is finally over.Phew! I cannot eat another drop.

Stuffing my face with retardedly delicious food has officially fallen into last place; getting back into my size 25 jeans is now in the lead.

What can I say. I loves me some Christmas Cheer…and some Christmas cookies, potatoes, various roasted meats, deep fried appetizers topped with cheese… and all desserts in general, except for ones containing coconut. Oh, fuck, and I completely forgot about the  cocktails.

I go all out around the holidays. I bust out the Fat Pants  (the size 27′s with a hint of stretch), the tunics, and the scarves to hide my double chin. Ho Ho Ho! Unfortunatlly, getting back into the 25′s keeps getting harder and harder with each passing year. Thankfully, I am disciplined, and, in this economy, when your jeans are in the $300 price range, it is more cost efficient to adjust your habits (eating well, exercising enough, not drinking like a hobo) than to purchase an entire new wardrobe because you couldn’t kiss Xmas 2009 goodbye.

Living in the past is a bad, bad idea.

AnyDinnerRolls, I got a new camera for Xmas :-) . It’s a Cannon something or other. I was desperate to get a new one after getting sand in the last one on our vaca last summer. I am not much of a photo taker, but since we are moving and will be farting around Europe for the rest of our lives, I felt it was pretty important and Santa came through. Yay for him!

Only a few days left of 2009!  We will be spending it with some friends South of SF. It may be the last time all of us are able to get together before we leave. It will be great, and sad, but mostly great. 12 weeks before we depart. There is no gift greater.

I am beginning a new writing project so I may not be here much in the next few weeks. If anyone is interested, email me and I will might send you the link. I am not posting it here for various random anonymous reasons.

Oh, hey, so it looks like Camarades put my page back up?!  They just cannot live without me. It’s true.

xo

C

Here are some photos from Xmas. The theme for the gents was “Mustache and an Ugly Shirt” (think 1970′s porn) and as you can see, they pulled it off grotesquely :-) .

The passed out drunk is Dolly. He remained there the rest of the night and rumor has it that he pissed himself.

  • Cups of Coffee: refill me lots.
  • Say What?: It's all gonna be OK.
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There is a 97% chance that at this…

October 14, 2009

time next year I will be experiencing Oktoberfest, in person, as a real-life resident of Munich. Yeah! JOA does Germany! This should really be made into a realty series on TV.

I am giving us a %3 percent chance at failure though, only so that if something DOES go wrong (passport doesn’t come in time, job gets delayed, customs issues…) I am not totally devastated because I was prepared for the 3%….or something.

3% aside, it looks like a sure thing. His boss called yesterday and pretty much offered him the transfer because the position in Munich he had been waiting for  just opened up… he said the position starts in January at the latest, so we have to get our butts in gear.

I am pretty stinkin’ excited. I don’t know what to expect other than it being very cold and eating lots of sausage.  I am SO looking forward to taking little weekend getaways to London…Paris, Italy… BELGIUM AND GREECE ;-) . That’s the best part of it for me. I seriously CANNOT wait to go to Sweden. I have been wanting to visit the Saab factory and buy a saab directly from the factory my entire life… this is a dream come true.

Oh my god, and then Christmas time! The lights and the fairs…  the snow. So long California! So long San Francisco!

Anyway, I know I have quite a few European readers and I need your help:

1. We are debating whether or not to sell our car or to ship it over. If anyone has any experience with that, please let me know. It’s like a year old, 2008 Volvo C30. Pretty much paid off… is it worth it or no.

2. Citizenship. My husband is getting sponsored by his company. Therefore, he is legal to work there but not a citizen. I believe I am unable to work there at all, even though he has been sponsored. Is it easy to get citizenship, or a permit to work, and how do I do it? I don’t plan on working right away but I was thinking of either teaching English…or becoming a prostitute in Amsterdam and I would like more information on the matter.

3. Does anyone speak German. I am at a loss here…

Ok, I have to go piss myself. Please help me and I know you will all fly to visit us at our housewarming party :-)

Oh also, we are going to be subletting our apartment in SF, so if anyone is interested in renting it (mostly furnished) please let me know! We don’t plan on coming back (I’d like to settle in France, or Italy at some point), but we would like to have that option if something goes wrong. So it would be a month to month deal.

Love you all xo

Coll

  • Cups of Coffee: Does it matter anymore? I'm moving to Germany! Whoo hoo!
  • Current Mood: ...it's like Christmas came early.
  • Places You Might Find Me Today: Online, shopping for a house. A big fat house with 3 bedrooms and a yard...perhaps in a quaint village. ahhhhh...
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Newish Webcam Solutution

October 5, 2009

Camarades can suck  the “cream” topping off an ookie cookie.

They banned me again for no reason AGAIN. For fucking nothing. They act like they are paying me or something. I honestly believe that they do this from time to time so that I will contact them and pay them some attention. It must get lonely out there in SLOVAKIA. Totally passive aggressive. Fuckers should be thankful, I am the one driving traffic to their site. They should be showering me with stolen electronics, fuzzy dice to hang on my rear view and knock off handbags. No joke, if you googalize my cam, their traffic stats come up and who the hell do you think is either #1 or in the top ten (even though I am on like once every 3 months) as far as numbers are concerned….ME. Not the saggy titty wilted willy grandpa spankin’ it 24/7 in France. Not the guy who’s nipples I show not…

Camarades, you lose. I have officially moved to Ustream and I am bringing all of Europe’s perverts with me. Here they can watch me and chat with me and HEAR MY VOICE, live, streaming in real-time, for FREE. For some sick reason I felt loyal to you and although I had tinkered around with ustream, I came back to you. Unfortunately, for you not me, this relationship is over.

Listen up perverts, you know who you are (I don’t usually make things bold so you know this is important). You will notice a new link in the navigation bar up top. This link says WEBCAM. By clicking on this link you will be taken to a page, on this site, where my new webcam AND chat are embedded. I will be broadcasting on a schedule, so you will know when I am on, no more of this hitting the site 50 times a day to see if I am on crap. No more sadness.To view my schedule go to my new webcam page (the one I just mentioned), it will be hovering over the cam display when I am off air. Also, make sure you have speakers (:-0) because this stream has audio. This means I get to talk and you get to lissen me and best of all IT’S FREE and it’s great quality. So you can take all of that money you paid to Camarades for your “elite” fake streaming, no voice or chat, account and give it to me. If you need the email associated with my Paypal account, let me know.

Oh, and if you want to participate in the chat you will have to register. It is super easy and you will not be redirected from the page. You enter in a username, password, date of birth and a captcha then you are in. Nothing to it.

Fun! Haaay!

Ok, now that that’s out of the way….I must relocate my wine.

xoxo

CL

  • Places You Might Find Me Today: swimming in a pool of clarified butter.
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You’re not my database programmer, you can’t tell me what to do..

July 21, 2009

Holy Shit!

whoa!

Alright, I got the “you’ve got 10 days” to post , or lose a limb, so here I am.  To clear things up, no, I have not LEFT this site for a new one. I am have not fallen in love with a better looking site or one richer in content…nor am I two-timing this site. I just came up with a funny idea and decided to go with it… Understand?

Not much new is happening around here. Just a lot of work and a lot of beer. Mmmhmmm. I feel as though it is my duty, as the creator of twitdrunk.com, to “test” out the sites functionality while intoxicated. You know, to do as the drunk do or something. Anyway, all of this testing “on beer” has really taken a toll on my ass, my saddlebags and my left tit (?). Now, it could also be all the ribs, bacon, red meat, chips, cheese and chocolate I’ve been chowing down on, but I swear my pants were a lot looser when I stuck to vodka soda. Unfortunately, the dr. is being STINGY with the Valium and wont refill the Rx which means I have to suffer through a hangover if I get my drink all-the-way-on. Total fucker. I’m retarded. Oh well.

I made progress in cleanliness today, which I deserve half a star for. I actually peeled my face from the computer, my ass off the chair and experienced a shower and some exercise, er, in the reverse order…I know, I know. It sucked pretty bad,  but earlier this morning I caught a whiff of myself and I don’t think that it’s ever a good sign when your body smells like marinated meat. Not a gooder.

Obviously, I have not been shooting lately , ha – ha- ha. I will start up again in September. Sometimes it just feels good to let yourself go. I am so glad I’m not famous.

Alright, well, I have to go brush my dog and watch a made for TV movie on Lifetime.  I should be on cam Thursday night. Not sure if it will be camarades or ustream. Check back later for details.

xo

Cl

  • Cups of Coffee: one for each Jonahs' Brother.. you do the math.
  • What Does Jonah Want Now?: he wants you to "look" his keywords >:-) and then he wants you to go with him to the worst place in the world: COSTCO.
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