The Unwed Father, starring … Brian Austin Peen (Green), you know, that statistic from the 90210 series, a bunch of bad acting nobodies, and a shit load of commercials.

In this heartwarming boring drama, BAG plays a father (I know, I could barely type it without falling off of my gurney laughing) who’s kid was randomly dumped on his doorstep because the baby mama was havin’ some issues.YAWN.

blah blah blah (insert a bunch of boring shit and like 3000 commercials here)

Now, BAG still lives at home but is forced to get the eff out cause pops ain’t diggin’ the sounds that baby makes in the middle of the night. So BAG moves out, gets a job and a babysitter (in that order…don’t ask). He works really hard for about an hour and then he goes to a party, gets really drunk, and nearly humps some whore, who doesn’t want to use a condom, in a parked car COMPLETELY forgetting about baby who is at the sitters. I know, I know…

Luckily a commercial kicked in and I had a moment to regain my composure.

Well that one night changed his life…(lucky him, for most people it takes a good five years of playing car humpy with strangers before getting that “wake up” call) and he is now more motivated than ever to be the bestest most maturest man he can be, and to bag the baby mama’s bff, so he quits his car slutting ways and starts to show up for shit on time…

I must say, that although I don’t agree with his hair gelling practices, he seems to get a lot of tail for a  guy who doesn’t appear to grow facial hair yet.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, baby mama is douching it out as an artist and a waitress in some crap hole and begins to have some regrets in regards to ditching baby. blah blah blah (insert some crappy art moments, a whinging whore behind the counter of a diner, and a few thousand more commercials)…

I’m actually about to change the channel because, for lifetime, this is pretty tame and  BAG’s broke ass is getting on my nerves. Also, I’ve totally suffered through this one before about six months ago and I don’t hate myself enough to sit through it again. The commercials were pretty good though.

I leave you with this…