What a night, I slept like a fucking pig. It’s funny how one takes off for a weekend of  relaxation and comes home completely shattered and exhausted.

I had the most amazing weekend though. Ok, well not THE most but it’s up there. Probably because summer has arrived… and days are spent poolside, nights out dining …amazing sunsets and a sense of being absolutely free.

Well mostly.

This summer is the anniversary of many big deals which can be best expressed in a short story, so here it goes:

There once was a girl who appeared to have it all together. She thought comfortable meant right and brushed all doubt aside, even though deep down she knew better. Then one day, not necessarily out of the blue, an epiphany struck and she soon discovered that all she had believed to be true were, in fact, lies. It took only nine minutes of rapture for her high horse of nine years to come crumbling down. Her friends were really her enemies and all she was left with were a half empty pack of cigarettes, a hangover and an unfamiliar smell on her skin. Unfortunately, for this girl, her fate had already been decided for her…her epiphany came far too late.

She follows the marauders every move, wherever it goes… as long as it goes for as long as she goes.

In code. The end.

xoxo

CL

See ya in like an hour or so or so…or so

It seems the better I am doing, the less I write.  How unfortunate that I have nothing GOOD to say or go on about when things are actually going GOOD. I thrive in chaos. I should have stuck with working in the emergency department.

I love….

vodka on ice with a squeeze of lemon. why does admitting to that always sound a lot worse that saying “i love merlot” or “cabernet”… it’s ok to love a wine but if you love the hard stuff, you have issues.

I hate…

being bothered when I am shopping. If I needed help, or wanted something else that I couldn’t find, I would have asked.

I love…

my dog, right now. lying on back, one leg straight up in the air…snoring, twitching.

I hate…

the spider that bit me. Not because it hurts, but because I hate spiders and I don’t like that it was on me, eating me, without permission. I feel violated.

I love…

meat. I am a sucker for a succulent steak or a perfectly roasted chicken. I love the fatty parts and the salty outer layer of a prime rib roast.

I hate…

thinking of a day when I will have to be more conscious of the amount of red meat I eat.

I love…

working out so hard that my endorphins, alone, make me want to cry (a happy cry)

I hate…

that I may never get to meet all of you, or invite you to dinner….at the same time.

I love…

laughing and farts. In that order .

Giada De Laurentiis

Feed me anything that makes my toes curl. Come close, lather my body in olive oil, toss some Parmesan on me  and watch me jiggle all over with delight.

xx

CL

… for a shirt.

A tank top, actually. One that I used to love and wear all the time, when it was new. Then it got old and went from hanger to underwear drawer…to it’s semi-final resting place: under the bed collecting dust and dog hair.

I honestly felt so bad for it. I used to love the way it fit me until like the 50th wash when it lost its will to reshape while air drying . That is when I gave up on it, when it needed me most… like some kind of deadbeat son-of-a-bitch. I no longer hand washed it and air dried it. It went in with the warm wash, without even the slightest wince.. and dried with it too.

I am such a jerk and I need to be forgiven.

I feel like I haven’t posted in ages. I’ve been running around like a jerk and haven’t had a moment to type, let alone clean my room (as seen last night by the entire 20 people who make up my world these days)

Also, sorry for being the most boring girl with big tits on the internet last night. It was literally 8:59 and the corn dogs were still in the oven… plus, I had just received like 2000 photos to browse through from one of my shoots and had to have a look.

Either way, it was so funny. I was expecting very little, mostly from me, and somewhat from you (jk) and it turned out to be quite hysterical. French translator guy left many of us speechless… yeah, and speaking of speech. I emailed the commies at ustream and requested that they give me a solution to the CENSORED issue we were having last night in chat. As many of you know, I reject being censored…I am thinking that maybe they automatically censor you when you have a certain number of people in the room..because that would indicate that the room is popular and they don’t want a lot of fucking shit cock and ass all over the place.

Either way it’s BULLSHIT and I am working on it.

So expect some new photos VERY soon. I am picking through them and pull some nice ones for you all to whack off too. (clap clap)

Also, I think that I am going to use this site as my portfolio. I am debating on whether or not to get actual agency representation here in SF… It’s not that I am afraid of rejection (I expect it, embrace it and masturbate thinking of it), it’s just that I don’t quite “fit in” to any particular category of the model/entertainer type. I am neither, I am both, I am nothing. I’m starting my own agency: FAY Talent ™, as in (fuck all y’all) Talent ™. It has a nice ring to it and it doesn’t discriminate. So if you want to be famous, or feel famous, let me know and I will build you a portfolio here on my site, images and all. You are all loved at joanofarse.com, even beaners heebs.

Alright, back to organizing photos and pickin’ beans out of my teeth.

Good day

CL
Sneak preview of pics to come:

This is from my “natural” no makeup shoot, so you may throw up in your pants. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya. The whacking level just went way down… I am afraid to post sexy, the age of my audience appears to be declining at a frightening rate.

Slurp

Wanna make out later?

xx
CL

PS: I have another photoshoot tomorrow… wish me luck!

Surgical Chic ™