Category Archives: Drunk and/or Stoned


Baby Shower Madness.

September 27, 2009

Whoa. These past two days have been insane.

It all began on Friday night. Basically, I went to a friends house to help her make cupcakes for a baby shower she was hosting the next day, and it basically turned into a raging booze-fest. I woke up with dried up frosting over 70% of my body, a hoarse scratchy throat from the occasional puff I took off of someones ciggie and a major wine hangover.

Yesterday I attended the baby shower to help out with the food and set up stuff. Well, this was not your average baby shower. It didn’t begin until nearly 7pm, and at that point Dolly and I were already two hours into the Makers Mark and the cooler full of beer. Things got real ugly at around 9pm when the tequila came out. Oh, did I forget to mention it was a Mexican baby shower? Yeah, so. Yeah.

Um so I don’t remember much after my 4th shot…actually the last thing I remember hearing was “tequila! tequila!” and being chased around by a little Guatemalan man waving around a bottle of Cuervo. Anyway, I woke up this morning with dried up drool on my cheek and all the way down my shoulder ; fully clothed and fully sick to my stomach. I could probably be classified as toxic waste. Like every inch of my being  is screaming mad so I am taking a breather, which includes breathing in no smoke of any kind, and hitting the detox hard core. So long vodka, hello distilled water. Fun-ness.

Oh, also, my friend Dolly has moved back from NY and he gave me a new hat last night (which he is probably regretting now as it was his favorite). Its a NY Rangers Hockey hat from like the 1800′s. I am so thrilled because it has all the charm my Jets hat had with a slight hint of RICH sauce. To Die For Fabulousness.

Happy Sunday, the weather is goooorgeous in the city which makes my current ill state a little more bearable. I am gonna take a nap and then attempt to sweat out the impurities without puking up the mounds of food I consumed last night.. be well lovies.

  • Places You Might Find Me Today: sleeping it off.
  • Cups of Coffee: thoughts to hurl to.
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You’re not my database programmer, you can’t tell me what to do..

July 21, 2009

Holy Shit!

whoa!

Alright, I got the “you’ve got 10 days” to post , or lose a limb, so here I am.  To clear things up, no, I have not LEFT this site for a new one. I am have not fallen in love with a better looking site or one richer in content…nor am I two-timing this site. I just came up with a funny idea and decided to go with it… Understand?

Not much new is happening around here. Just a lot of work and a lot of beer. Mmmhmmm. I feel as though it is my duty, as the creator of twitdrunk.com, to “test” out the sites functionality while intoxicated. You know, to do as the drunk do or something. Anyway, all of this testing “on beer” has really taken a toll on my ass, my saddlebags and my left tit (?). Now, it could also be all the ribs, bacon, red meat, chips, cheese and chocolate I’ve been chowing down on, but I swear my pants were a lot looser when I stuck to vodka soda. Unfortunately, the dr. is being STINGY with the Valium and wont refill the Rx which means I have to suffer through a hangover if I get my drink all-the-way-on. Total fucker. I’m retarded. Oh well.

I made progress in cleanliness today, which I deserve half a star for. I actually peeled my face from the computer, my ass off the chair and experienced a shower and some exercise, er, in the reverse order…I know, I know. It sucked pretty bad,  but earlier this morning I caught a whiff of myself and I don’t think that it’s ever a good sign when your body smells like marinated meat. Not a gooder.

Obviously, I have not been shooting lately , ha – ha- ha. I will start up again in September. Sometimes it just feels good to let yourself go. I am so glad I’m not famous.

Alright, well, I have to go brush my dog and watch a made for TV movie on Lifetime.  I should be on cam Thursday night. Not sure if it will be camarades or ustream. Check back later for details.

xo

Cl

  • Cups of Coffee: one for each Jonahs' Brother.. you do the math.
  • What Does Jonah Want Now?: he wants you to "look" his keywords >:-) and then he wants you to go with him to the worst place in the world: COSTCO.
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Tall and Sweet.

July 13, 2009

The past few days have been great. Thanks for the good time sluts.

It’s Monday which means, er, party time! Whoo hoo! My new site is just about to launch. OMG, it’s so funny. This could be the gooder.

Fuck this, hang on, this coffee is NOT black enough. BRB.

The sun is out which means I will be stuck in the apt. all day working…always the case. Actually, I’ve been really boring lately. I can barely stand myself. Sure, sure, I still have a beer here and there and immediately after my coffee, which I NEED to lay off due to this thing called ASS, but I’ve pretty much put fun back on the shelf. Hmm, it must be the beer…I’m soooo going back to vodka starting today at cocktail hour or noon.

Oh, so my birthday! Fun Fun! FC drove two treacherous hours (and when I type it, I mean it.. Sonoma County, Highway 101 = no joke) and  made a surprise appearance. That made my night, among other things…  like, er, massive quantities of SAKE. Holy shit. I woke up with a forehead shiner, a missing Louboutin stiletto and a bottle of penicillin on the nightstand. Fortunately, the shoe was found, the penicillin was not MINE (heck, it was from 1995) and nobody knows how I got the black and blue FOREHEAD which means whatever I did, I did not do it in public. Amen.

Here are some photos, taken by my buddy and business partner Jonah… They are mostly photos of me acting like a typical idiot, enjoy. Oh and the photos toward the end of the night came out a bit blurry due to the fact that the photographer, ehem, was DRUNK. Love ya Jonah!

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  • Places You Might Find Me Today: the compost bin.
  • aktt_notify_twitter: no
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(happy birthday to me)

July 9, 2009

Today is all about new beginnings me. Last night we rang in “my new year” at midnight, on cam, with a shot of tequila and a chat room full of the webs top whackers. Susan, you were the best, bless your voyeuristic little heart. Great fun. Good times. Thanks y’all.

colleen2009

colleen2009_2

colleen2009_3

colleen2009_4

My husband surprised me with tequila, beer and flowers so after I logged off, at nearly 1am, I roasted him a turkey. No joke, and then we watched our new favorite movie “Walk Hard” for the 2nd night in a row. If you haven’t seen it, I command you to put it in your netflix queue NOW.

Anyway, sake bomb city, here I come.

Tonight we are having a small celebration at our friend’s Sushi restaurant, Sushi Zen… it’s tradition, we go there every year for our birthdays. The place is pretty much a big party with amazing food and I love it more than anything. They are like family to us and coincidentally my birthday also happens to be the anniversary of the restaurant so it’s a double celebration. Whoo hoo!

Alright, I am outta here. Here is a pic of how the last birthday ended… unfortunately, we did not get a great picture of when my left BOOB fell into the cake, rather it pushed it’s way into the cake. Pure class baby.

Colleens Birthday 2008

“When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.” – W. Shakespeare

xx

email from mom:

Colleen,
Happy Birthday!!  Seems like just yesterday you were three years old, standing on top of the lattice on the deck, getting ready to fly!  Fortunately I was able to get the ladder in time.

Hope you have a nice day.

Love,
Mom

  • Cups of Coffee: funny how it tastes like...tequila. I'll buy that for a dollar.
  • Places You Might Find Me Today: Sushi Zen!! It's ON.
  • Current Mood: aaalllllriiigghhhttt
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..and these are a few of my least favorite things

June 30, 2009

To top this list are jerks and assholes.  I just don’t like them in my life.

Dust. I hate dust…perhaps more than I hate jerks and assholes.

Of course, there is nothing better to not like than a hypocrite. For example, giving me “fake grief” for popping a Valium now and then, or for drinking too much, only to brag about how you do “illegal recreational drugs” occasionally and ENJOY THEM  is completely bullshit. You lost all respect from me buddy. Not because of the drug use but because you are a fucking fool.

Removing false eyelashes. Note to makeup artists: please inform your models that you are using a glue which requires a special remover to get the darn things off.  I nearly tore off my entire eyelid after a shoot a few weeks back.

People who don’t use twitter. It’s like the best parts of Facebook all in one.

Lastly, I cannot like when the beach in Pacifica is sunnier and warmer than the beach 5 blocks from my house. It’s like a sick joke.

——— new topic

The other night we had a bonfire at the beach (if you were on twitter you’d know this) and it was almost a lot of fun until I stood up. Have you ever tried walking through sand while intoxicated? Not easy! It was up ,two staggers forward, fall on my ass…repeat. At one point I gave up and told my husband to go home and to just leave me there. I couldn’t fucking do it. Well, I drunk dialed Bill and somehow that gave me the strength I needed to make it to the steps, leading up to the parking lot, which I fell down and bloodied up my foot. Yeah! At least I didn’t get arrested this time. Phew!

Actually, the best part of whatever happened, was in the morning when I woke up … I walked into the bathroom to find some random plant, like a houseplant, in the toilet.  I calmly went back into the bedroom, leaving a trail of sand behind me, and said to my half passed out husband “honey, um, would you happen to know WHY there is a plant in the toilet?” he had no clue either so we blame the dog. Again, if you were following me on Twitter you’d have seen the picture.

Alright, I’m already bored. Also, about this detox thing. I was really tired when I made that commitment so I have declared that wine is not considered alcohol and I can drink it freely. Also, red meat is the new white meat and Bacon doesn’t make you die.

Nipples,

cl

xoxo

Bonus round:

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  • Cups of Coffee: George.
  • Current Mood: tripped up.
  • Places You Might Find Me Today: hopefully in a bath because I'm stiiiinkin'
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