I cannot even put into words how  furious I am in regards to my dealings with the customer service people over at Chase Auto Finance. I am beyond baffled with how much these people suck.

Here is a fine example of the kind of service Chase has to offer to people who pay on time every month:

Scene one: 04/07/2010

me: “Hi there, I am calling to follow up on the request that I put in last week to have a copy of our title sent to the shipping company who is transporting our car to Germany”

e=mc^2:  ” Yes, ma’am (pronounced ‘mom’), I am showing that the fax was sent yesterday at 5:57pm.”

me: “Well, the guy over at the shipping company just emailed me and told me that he never received it. Are you sure that the fax actually went through and that there wasn’t some sort of error? Is there any confirmation of this?”

e=mc^2:  “Yes ma’am our records indicate that the fax went through.”

me: ” Hmm, really? Can you read me number that it was faxed to please?”

e=mc^2:  “Yes, it was faxed to XX5-XXX-XXXX…”

me:” XX5-XXX-XXXX? hmm…and you are POSITIVE that it went through?”

e=mc^2:  “Yes ma’am, it says right here that the fax went through…”

me: “..ok, and so what about the copy that I had requested to be mailed to my home address? Has that been sent out also?”

e=mc^2: ” I don’t see any request for that here in my records.”

me: ” You have got to be kidding. Not only did I call twice and was told both times that the request had been submitted, but I also gave the person I spoke with a new mailing address, please check your notes.”

e=mc^2: ” I am sorry ma’am, I do not see that request…”

at this point I could feel my pulse behind my eyes and I completely lost my cool. E=mc^2 apologized and promised to have another fax sent out as well as have a copy mailed to me by the end of the week. I explained to her that we have absolutely no time to waste and in order for our car to be put in that crate and on the boat, which is scheduled to ship out AFTER we have already left the country, they have to have that title. She said she would see what she could do to get the fax out and the conversation ended which is when it hit me that the fax number she had read back to me was incorrect. The number did not begin with XX5, it began with XX6. Fuck.

So out of plain old-fashioned curiosity and after recalling that e=mc^2 had CONFIRMED, and basically swore on her life, that the fax had indeed gone through without a hitch, I dialed the number and this is what I got:

” You have reached a non-working number”.

How does that happen? I mean, I am NO faxing expert, but from what I understand, a fax sent to a non-working number would not go through, and therefore a confirmation of “fax sent” would not be issued.

Basically, what it boils down to is that she LIED to me and she lied to the system. Not fresh at all. So I rang up Chase again and got F=ma on the phone.

me: “Hi, I just called a few minutes ago to check up on the status of my fax and after I hung up I discovered that the number you had sent the fax to was incorrect.”

F=ma: “Oh, I am so sorry, yes, I do see your call here and it looks like another request for fax has been submitted. Let me update the number in the system.”

me: “Thank you so much. Now the new fax request will be updated also, correct? I just want to make sure that it doesn’t get sent to the wrong number again.”

F=ma:”Yes, that is correct…”

me: ” Great, thanks.”

… I was pretty confident at this point that the little catastrophe had been sorted out. F=ma seemed to be on top of her game.

And then I woke up, literally, and began to write this post. About half way through yesterdays experience, I decided to put down the laptop and call Chase to confirm that my fax has been processed and sent to the right number just for piece of mind..

scene two: 04/08/2010

me: ” Hi there, I am just following up on a fax request that was sent out yesterday. I just want to make sure that it got sent out today.”

a^2+b^2=c^2: “Hello ma’am, yes I do see that your request went through and it was sent  this morning.”

me: “Oh, excellent, so that was the 2nd request, right? Because the first fax went to the wrong number  and I called yesterday afternoon to have that corrected.

a^2+b^2=c^2: “What is the fax number you wanted this sent to ma’am?”

me: “Uuuum, let me see, oh yeah XX6..”

a^2+b^2=c^2: “XX6? Not XX5?..”

me: “..please do not tell me that this was sent to XX5. I called you yesterday at 3:36pm and had the number corrected.”

a^2+b^2=c^2: “I am so sorry ma’am, according to my records this fax was sent to the number beginning with XX5..let me check my notes…oh yes, I see here where you called with the XX6 number…”

me: “@(@#*)@!! @*#(@#*#)@(!?!?! *#*%&@(#)*$!?!?!?”

a^2+b^2=c^2: “Can you please hold… I am going to transfer you to a supervisor”

The drudge supervisor eventually got on the phone and offered me a mass-produced apology. He said he was going to have this expedited and faxed to the CORRECT number within the hour. I am expecting much more of the same: BULLFUCK.

…until next time.

This weeks incidence of high-blood pressure was brought to y0u by the dick-hole-mother-fuckers over at Chase Auto Finance

Stay tuned for the next post, in the series “tragic bullshit”, about what happens when two  HR departments, a blow-up “lawyer”, and two knowledge-less “relocation specialists” who haven’t updated their procedure files in 30 years, fuck up a visa and make us do all the work.