Part 2 ( dying laughing because I honestly have no life. ok bai)
Category Archives: Tragic Bullshit
Homecoming.
August 12, 2010
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…on Tuesday
June 10, 2010
OUR STUFF ARRIVES !!!!
And on top of it all we ordered new sofas and purchased an antique mahooooogany table + chairs set over in England which should arrive around the same time as our fricken crate that contains our bed, cooking supplies, towels..oh, and our car (which we now have a parking space for; signed the lease on that sublet today)…
Do you know what this means people?!? DO-YOU-KNOW-WHAT-THIS-MEANS
- no more sleeping on an air mattress
- no more sitting on the floor to eat, use computer, “hang out”
- no more eating out every night because we have nothing to cook with
- no more sleeping on an air mattress
- clothing! Linens! Towels!
- Our Power drill! My Kitchenaid Mixer.. the POWER TRANSFOOOOOORMER!
-….And the car. Yay! Wee!
I could go on and on and on but it’s 91 degrees here right now and not a single place is air conditioned, so I must remain calm in order to not DIE from heat stroke.
Oh yeah, so the rain that lasted for a month stopped and now it’s been non stop humid heat with a few thunderstorms in between. One second we are enjoying a lovely dinner outside in 70 degree heat (at 9pm), and the next we are running for cover and praying we don’t get struck by lightening (ok, well ONE of us is).
This has been THE most challenging two weeks-ish so far.
First, they fucked up our kitchen. They were suppose to leave space for our waschmaschine and done went and put in a dishwasher. I mean, I am not complaining here, but washing machine was in the lease, of course we have to buy it, but having “space” for it was assumed when we signed. There is no space. Therefore, there is no washing machine.
Second, the landlady has been on vacation since the beginning of time. Which means that the kitchen cannot and has not been re-arranged, which means we’ve gone two weeks HAND WASHING our clothes and my husbands skid mark underwear. Not so fresh yo.
Thirdly, the water heater system. When we moved in, it was still cold and rainy and we had no warm water or heat. We were told that the guy was gonna come around to sort it out but not for a day or so, SO, I decided to do it myself. I found the manual, and translated it word for word…and hey, I got the blasted thing working and hot water flowing long enough to wash my butt.
Fourthly, our mailbox jammed. Not such a big deal considering we get very little mail, but still annoying as hell. Somehow I managed to communicate to our hausmeister, who speaks no english, that the “Briefkasten went kaputt” and so now it’s being replaced (I think? I hope?).
Fifthly, I am to tired, hot and delirious to even recall what #5 was all about. Oh wait, I remember..Husband lost his ATM card (and we have no credit card just a US ATM). We went to pay a bill at an ATM and he left it in the machine..that was neat and almost ended in divorce.
Living in this empty place with pretty much nothing has been exhausting. The sun rises promptly in my face at 4:58am and I think the entire building across the way has seen me romping around in my curtainless apartment, naked. We have no shower curtain, (well we do but it’s a sad situation, see below) because the ceiling is on a slant and it had to be special ordered. So it’s been fun doing that.
Up until yesterday we had not a single mirror in the entire apartment. (Yep, I had to dry my hair by heart). And the mirror which did arrive yesterday needs to be hung, which means that we need to drill through the tile and we ain’t got no drill.. so it sits propped up on towels in the bathroom, alongside the wet underwear which is draped over the bathtub air drying. I did mention that I had to wash my husbands DIRTY underwear by hand, right? Right.
My “desk” which also serves as our “table” is the box our vacuum cleaner came in. It’s really great for contributing to ass, back and neck pain.
Ahhh, but despite all of the SHIT, it’s been pretty swell. We live in a fantastic neighborhood, in a gigantic old apartment. We have our dog, the innernets, and a pot which we purchased to piss in just in case the toilet quit working.
Yesterday I took Daisy to get her “pet passport” so now she is free to travel around the EU with us and our “custom made” shower curtain will be here early next week. Slowly, (very fucking slowly), things are starting to come together.
This past Tuesday we started German class. We were reading a paragraph about a student who’s name was Ralf Burger. Naturally, I read that and nearly had to excuse myself from the room because I was laughing so hard. Total hoot.
What else, let’s see…oh yes, I am about to take a shot of vodka, one sec..
ahhh.
In regards to feeling lonely, I’ve been so busy putting out fires and attempting to organize or lives while he is at work, I haven’t had much time to dwell on it. I admit, though, to having a few breakdowns and on one occasion I did yell at someone for not speaking English. What can I say, I am an entitled rude son-of-a-bitch sleepin’ on an air mattress, two week old underwear wearing biatch. Suck it.
So much fucking work. Dood, there are no light fixtures, just bulbs dangling from the ceiling.
I did meet the neighbor I share the floor with. Old guy, sounds like Sean Connery when he speaks English. He asked me where I was from and if I planned to stay long… then he wished me luck. Don’t quite know what to make of that but whatever, my door locks.
The next source of pain will be getting the car registered. God, I think I need another drink. This must be the hardest it’s ever been for me to post anything here.. I am THAT exhausted and seeing taking a double shot of Vodka (the only thing in the fridge).
…and on that note, I leave you with a photo of my luxurious and SPACIOUS shower. Tschuss!
i dont Sprechen Sie DOUCHE.
There is now a mailbox with our names on it, in Munich.
May 28, 2010
Today the lease was signed, the walk through was done and now the “official” handover is complete.
We are tenants!
I am both excited and nervous. Even though living in a hotel sucks ass, everything here is taken care of for us. Now we are on fully our own. Kinda scary.
Our internet is being turned on this coming Tuesday so we will be without our beloved WWW, with the exception of our cell phones, for almost two days (gasp!). Actually, no, I can connect through my cell phone , which is how I am connected now because the internet in this hotel is fucking retarded…
So that is the good news. That bad new is that we got word that our car was not allowed through customs.Big fat UGH. I was told to provide customs with the previous years registration and insurance to show that the car was in use by us for the 6 months prior to the move. WELL, I did provide those things, but I put them in the glove box of the car, assuming customs would check the car and verify that it is actually the car in the paperwork..WELL, apparently 99% of the time, they don’t even open the crate. They just trust what’s in the paperwork handed to them and so now we have a dilemma on our hands. The paperwork is in the car, which is in the crate, which they wont open, ay-yay-yay… Fortunately, I had the registration from 2008-2009 on hand and was able to print the insurance policy online and fax it over but they still may want to see last years reg 2009-2010, which wont be impossible to get but a headache nonetheless.
So here it is, Friday afternoon, and I am basically waiting for an email from our shipping agent informing me as to whether or not customs will accept the documents I sent over yesterday…
…still waiting.
Oh well, we are one step closer to normalcy. That alone is worth at least one or ten stiff cocktails.
Tschuss xx
CL
I am beside myself.
April 8, 2010
I cannot even put into words how furious I am in regards to my dealings with the customer service people over at Chase Auto Finance. I am beyond baffled with how much these people suck.
Here is a fine example of the kind of service Chase has to offer to people who pay on time every month:
Scene one: 04/07/2010
me: “Hi there, I am calling to follow up on the request that I put in last week to have a copy of our title sent to the shipping company who is transporting our car to Germany”
e=mc^2: ” Yes, ma’am (pronounced ‘mom’), I am showing that the fax was sent yesterday at 5:57pm.”
me: “Well, the guy over at the shipping company just emailed me and told me that he never received it. Are you sure that the fax actually went through and that there wasn’t some sort of error? Is there any confirmation of this?”
e=mc^2: “Yes ma’am our records indicate that the fax went through.”
me: ” Hmm, really? Can you read me number that it was faxed to please?”
e=mc^2: “Yes, it was faxed to XX5-XXX-XXXX…”
me:” XX5-XXX-XXXX? hmm…and you are POSITIVE that it went through?”
e=mc^2: “Yes ma’am, it says right here that the fax went through…”
me: “..ok, and so what about the copy that I had requested to be mailed to my home address? Has that been sent out also?”
e=mc^2: ” I don’t see any request for that here in my records.”
me: ” You have got to be kidding. Not only did I call twice and was told both times that the request had been submitted, but I also gave the person I spoke with a new mailing address, please check your notes.”
e=mc^2: ” I am sorry ma’am, I do not see that request…”
at this point I could feel my pulse behind my eyes and I completely lost my cool. E=mc^2 apologized and promised to have another fax sent out as well as have a copy mailed to me by the end of the week. I explained to her that we have absolutely no time to waste and in order for our car to be put in that crate and on the boat, which is scheduled to ship out AFTER we have already left the country, they have to have that title. She said she would see what she could do to get the fax out and the conversation ended which is when it hit me that the fax number she had read back to me was incorrect. The number did not begin with XX5, it began with XX6. Fuck.
So out of plain old-fashioned curiosity and after recalling that e=mc^2 had CONFIRMED, and basically swore on her life, that the fax had indeed gone through without a hitch, I dialed the number and this is what I got:
” You have reached a non-working number”.
How does that happen? I mean, I am NO faxing expert, but from what I understand, a fax sent to a non-working number would not go through, and therefore a confirmation of “fax sent” would not be issued.
Basically, what it boils down to is that she LIED to me and she lied to the system. Not fresh at all. So I rang up Chase again and got F=ma on the phone.
me: “Hi, I just called a few minutes ago to check up on the status of my fax and after I hung up I discovered that the number you had sent the fax to was incorrect.”
F=ma: “Oh, I am so sorry, yes, I do see your call here and it looks like another request for fax has been submitted. Let me update the number in the system.”
me: “Thank you so much. Now the new fax request will be updated also, correct? I just want to make sure that it doesn’t get sent to the wrong number again.”
F=ma:”Yes, that is correct…”
me: ” Great, thanks.”
… I was pretty confident at this point that the little catastrophe had been sorted out. F=ma seemed to be on top of her game.
And then I woke up, literally, and began to write this post. About half way through yesterdays experience, I decided to put down the laptop and call Chase to confirm that my fax has been processed and sent to the right number just for piece of mind..
scene two: 04/08/2010
me: ” Hi there, I am just following up on a fax request that was sent out yesterday. I just want to make sure that it got sent out today.”
a^2+b^2=c^2: “Hello ma’am, yes I do see that your request went through and it was sent this morning.”
me: “Oh, excellent, so that was the 2nd request, right? Because the first fax went to the wrong number and I called yesterday afternoon to have that corrected.
a^2+b^2=c^2: “What is the fax number you wanted this sent to ma’am?”
me: “Uuuum, let me see, oh yeah XX6..”
a^2+b^2=c^2: “XX6? Not XX5?..”
me: “..please do not tell me that this was sent to XX5. I called you yesterday at 3:36pm and had the number corrected.”
a^2+b^2=c^2: “I am so sorry ma’am, according to my records this fax was sent to the number beginning with XX5..let me check my notes…oh yes, I see here where you called with the XX6 number…”
me: “@(@#*)@!! @*#(@#*#)@(!?!?! *#*%&@(#)*$!?!?!?”
a^2+b^2=c^2: “Can you please hold… I am going to transfer you to a supervisor”
The drudge supervisor eventually got on the phone and offered me a mass-produced apology. He said he was going to have this expedited and faxed to the CORRECT number within the hour. I am expecting much more of the same: BULLFUCK.
…until next time.
This weeks incidence of high-blood pressure was brought to y0u by the dick-hole-mother-fuckers over at Chase Auto Finance
Stay tuned for the next post, in the series “tragic bullshit”, about what happens when two HR departments, a blow-up “lawyer”, and two knowledge-less “relocation specialists” who haven’t updated their procedure files in 30 years, fuck up a visa and make us do all the work.
