My day began to an unpleasant, yet familiar, sound, “squeak, squeak, squeak” …and when I looked over, I was not surprised to find Steve, my baby tortoise, mouth wide open, mounting Lammy, my older tortoise. Ugh, gross. He does this all the time and yet he still cannot seem to figure out which end is which and therefore Lammy often winds up with a face full of Steves scaly nether region. Poor gal. Actually, I don’t know who I feel worse for… terrified, traumatized Lammy or Steve who was once caught feverishly humping the side of her shell.
Now that I’ve got you all good and nauseated 
I’d like to wish everyone a very happy cold dark winter. Ha Ha Ha. I am slowly tapering off of my meds (SSRI) which has been both good and bad. Good, because now I have real human-like feelings again and even gooder because my libido has returned to normal (meow), but bad because my human-like feelings have returned and one of those feelings is the reason I went on meds in the first place: major super powered, please-let-me-stay-home, get-me-off-the-subway-NOW, I cannot breath, oh god I am dying…anxiety. Perhaps it isn’t the best time to get off of the meds since I am moving to a new country in 4 months, but at least if I go mad and need help I can get it here in the US, where I know the system and I have a doctor.
Trees. Dancing leprechauns. Talking walls. Glistening anal beads… shock treatments (WEEEeeeeee)
portrait of a woman on the brink of madness.
xo
CL
14 Comments
Oh Steve!!! maybe you should let him watch porn or something….
I LOVE YOU!!! You don’t need meds…you need ME!!! Well…I NEED YOU!!!
kisses
I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU. I MISS YOU. MEOW MEOW MEOW.
Your ” normal libido ” is back….? mmmm…..please inform us ( or me )about the meaning of normal….6 times a day,7 times a month, 2 times a year…?
-oh..now I understand why your tortoises acting sooo horny….they are just copy-cats,because of the ‘ return of your normal libido ‘….:-)
-In Germany you won’t need any drugs at all, just drink a good beer and then go for a nice ski in the mountains. Or better reverse, first the skieing (skiing?Skien? Skieeeeeeeng…?) and then the beer(s)
-http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8b/Red-footed_Tortoise_Love.jpg look at his horny face…..hahaha…..they like it veeeeeeeery slow….mmmmmm….
lOVE THAT PAPARAZZI-LIKE PIC !
this is soooooooo silly….
-http://littlegreen.typepad.com/romansock/images/2008/02/09/discoverytortoise.jpg
behave Steve ! Or this will be your final destiny !!
-http://www.enghunan.gov.cn/AboutHunan/SocialLife/Cuisine/200809/W020080920411492652890.jpg
Four tortoises were playing in the backyard when they decided they needed hibiscus flower snacks. They pooled their money and sent the smallest tortoise out to fetch the snacks. Two days passed and there was no sign of the tortoise.
“You know, Shellita is getting really slow”, said one of the tortoises.
A little voice from just out side the fence said, ” If you are going to talk about me I won’t go.”
—————————————————-
A disturbed tortoise crawls into a police station.
“I’ve been robbed by a murderous gang of snails, he announces.
“Calm down,” says a cop. “Just tell us everything that happened.”
“That’s difficult,” says the tortoise. “It all happened so fast!”
—————————————————-
A young man with a reputation for being slow couldn’t keep a job. He was finally hired to work at the local zoo. The keeper knew the young man’s nature and told him to take care of the tortoises.
When the keeper checked on the tortoises, he found the young man staring at an open gate. There was not a tortoise to be seen.
“Where are the tortoises?” he asked.
“I can’t believe it,” said the slow poke. “I opened the door and zoom, they were gone!”
—————————————————-
the tortoises’ ballroom dancing lessons –
“slow, slow, slow, slow, slow”.
====================================================
Colleen,
Natural aids for panic attacks (I get them too)…drink Rooibos Tea and take L-5-HTP. Get them at your local health food store. Damn Doctors put me on all kinds of meds that make me worse or half-dead, but switched to Rooibos and 5-HTP and now I’m doing great. Doesn’t affect libido either (hump hump).
natural panic-attack healer : masturbation , this works for both male/female
caution : too much masturbation causes blindness !
german lesson : tortoise = schildkrote ( you have to put two dots on the O , but I can’t do it on my deskboard..)
dutch lesson : tortoise = schildpad
schild means shield
pad means frog
I am having a panic attack just thinking of which supplements I should take to prevent them…
Frankzzzzz… ya kills me guy.
Colleen…to cheer you up…check out my new myspace site with a sampling of the strangest muzak to come out of my studio. If the artists knew I had these out for everyone to listen to, they’d fry my twinkies.
http://www.myspace.com/otustudios
xoxoxoxR
Just coming home from the movies….2012….! A bit over the top, I must admitt….haha….it was so funny to see your appartment sliding into the ocean Colleen…..start the masturbation…NOW !!! Only Daisy survived…she’s a hell of a swimmer !
-http://www.whowillsurvive2012.com/
What’s wrong with that music Sampler..? lollollol..haha !