OUR STUFF ARRIVES !!!!

And on top of it all we ordered new sofas and purchased an antique mahooooogany table + chairs set over in England which should arrive around the same time as our fricken crate that contains our bed, cooking supplies, towels..oh, and our car (which we now have a parking space for; signed the lease on that sublet today)…

Do you know what this means people?!? DO-YOU-KNOW-WHAT-THIS-MEANS

- no more sleeping on an air mattress
- no more sitting on the floor to eat, use computer, “hang out”
- no more eating out every night because we have nothing to cook with
- no more sleeping on an air mattress
- clothing! Linens! Towels!
- Our Power drill! My Kitchenaid Mixer.. the POWER TRANSFOOOOOORMER!
-….And the car. Yay! Wee!

I could go on and on and on but it’s 91 degrees here right now and not a single place is air conditioned, so I must remain calm in order to not DIE from heat stroke.

Oh yeah, so the rain that lasted for a month stopped and now it’s been non stop humid heat with a few thunderstorms in between. One second we are enjoying a lovely dinner outside in 70 degree heat (at 9pm), and the next we are running for cover and praying we don’t get struck by lightening (ok, well ONE of us is).

This has been THE most challenging two weeks-ish so far.

First, they fucked up our kitchen. They were suppose to leave space for our waschmaschine and done went and put in a dishwasher. I mean, I am not complaining here, but washing machine was in the lease, of course we have to buy it, but having “space” for it was assumed when we signed. There is no space. Therefore, there is no washing machine.

Second, the landlady has been on vacation since the beginning of time. Which means that the kitchen cannot and has not been re-arranged, which means we’ve gone two weeks HAND WASHING our clothes and my husbands skid mark underwear. Not so fresh yo.

Thirdly, the water heater system. When we moved in, it was still cold and rainy and we had no warm water or heat. We were told that the guy was gonna come around to sort it out but not for a day or so, SO, I decided to do it myself. I found the manual, and translated it word for word…and hey, I got the blasted thing working and hot water flowing long enough to wash my butt.

Fourthly, our mailbox jammed. Not such a big deal considering we get very little mail, but still annoying as hell. Somehow I managed to communicate to our hausmeister, who speaks no english, that the “Briefkasten went kaputt” and so now it’s being replaced (I think? I hope?).

Fifthly, I am to tired, hot and delirious to even recall what #5 was all about. Oh wait, I remember..Husband lost his ATM card (and we have no credit card just a US ATM). We went to pay a bill at an ATM and he left it in the machine..that was neat and almost ended in divorce.

Living in this empty place with pretty much nothing has been exhausting. The sun rises promptly in my face at 4:58am and I think the entire building across the way has seen me romping around in my curtainless apartment, naked. We have no shower curtain, (well we do but it’s a sad situation, see below) because the ceiling is on a slant and it had to be special ordered. So it’s been fun doing that.

Up until yesterday we had not a single mirror in the entire apartment. (Yep, I had to dry my hair by heart). And the mirror which did arrive yesterday needs to be hung, which means that we need to drill through the tile and we ain’t got no drill.. so it sits propped up on towels in the bathroom, alongside the wet underwear which is draped over the bathtub air drying. I did mention that I had to wash my husbands DIRTY underwear by hand, right? Right.

My “desk” which also serves as our “table” is the box our vacuum cleaner came in. It’s really great for contributing to ass, back and neck pain.

Ahhh, but despite all of the SHIT, it’s been pretty swell. We live in a fantastic neighborhood, in a gigantic old apartment. We have our dog, the innernets, and a pot which we purchased to piss in just in case the toilet quit working.

Yesterday I took Daisy to get her “pet passport” so now she is free to travel around the EU with us and our “custom made” shower curtain will be here early next week. Slowly, (very fucking slowly), things are starting to come together.

This past Tuesday we started German class. We were reading a paragraph about a student who’s name was Ralf Burger. Naturally, I read that and nearly had to excuse myself from the room because I was laughing so hard. Total hoot.

What else, let’s see…oh yes, I am about to take a shot of vodka, one sec..

ahhh.

In regards to feeling lonely, I’ve been so busy putting out fires and attempting to organize or lives while he is at work, I haven’t had much time to dwell on it. I admit, though, to having a few breakdowns and on one occasion I did yell at someone for not speaking English. What can I say, I am an entitled rude son-of-a-bitch sleepin’ on an air mattress, two week old underwear wearing biatch. Suck it.

So much fucking work. Dood, there are no light fixtures, just bulbs dangling from the ceiling.

I did meet the neighbor I share the floor with. Old guy, sounds like Sean Connery when he speaks English. He asked me where I was from and if I planned to stay long… then he wished me luck. Don’t quite know what to make of that but whatever, my door locks.

The next source of pain will be getting the car registered. God, I think I need another drink. This must be the hardest it’s ever been for me to post anything here.. I am THAT exhausted and seeing taking a double shot of Vodka (the only thing in the fridge).

…and on that note, I leave you with a photo of my luxurious and SPACIOUS shower. Tschuss!

i dont Sprechen Sie DOUCHE.