For those of you who don’t already know this, I am a pretty disgruntled person, unless, of course, there is vodka involved… and/or valium and/or versed. I know you all wanna be just like me and want to know what my “secret” is, so I thought that I would be generous and share my recipe with YOU: a heap of strangers who just want to see my tits and who could care the fuck less. You can print it out and add it to granny’s recipe box… or you can screw yourself. Either way, here it is…
My recipe to unhappiness:
1. People that make me anxious and annoy the hell out of me – your constant need for drama brings me way down.
2. Saablessnessness. I have no Saab. This is the longest I’ve ever gone, in my entire life, without one. Yeah, I settled for a new Volvo (C30, totally cute) but it’s not my 1979 Saab 99 , or my 1983 Saab 900s… it makes me sulk day-in day-out.
3. I have not been able to get the key to the office. Someone broke in and robbed us blind, like Lifetime-made-for-TV-movie style. We had the locks changed but with his hectic schedule and me having to SHARE that Volvo above with a particular #2, I haven’t gotten it which means I can’t work.
4. The ant situation in my kitchen and my bathroom – un-fricken-bearable.
5. Small dick-ish behavior. Please refer to all 18,000 twitter updates if you are having trouble figuring this one out.
6. I want my own bedroom. It’s not fair to have to sleep next to someone every night just because you are married to them. Sometimes I just need a night ALONE with me.
Mix them all together in one life until a thick ball of goop forms. Cover it and put it in a leaky energy fucked fridge for two hours and watch your electric bill skyrocket. Then remove it and toss it into the worlds shittiest oven… you will have to cook it TWICE as long, wasting even more electricity, to get it to the desired temperature. When it is done, don’t cool it, just toss it on a broken plate and serve with about 10 shots of warm vodka.
Best eaten with your crooked hands.
peace out.
xo
CL
16 Comments
and if you don’t like the texture you can always try that “cornbread recipe” in the google ad…
additional nr 7 : – nutty woman shitting on your doorstep.
http://www.classicandperformancecar.com/front_website/octane_interact/modelpicture.php?id=3781
http://imcdb.org/images/078/778.jpg
Oh SHIT I forgot #7!
my car: http://image.europeancarweb.com/f/european-car-news/volvo-c30-wins-european-golden-steering-wheel-award/1019463+w600+cr1+re0+ar1/volvo-c30.jpg
Please join an emo band, you can play the violin, a really really small one.
ahem…ummm…ahhhhhhhh…SHOW US YOUR TITS!
ha..another one
nice Volvo Collena…..but you should take off the German licenceplate…..jawohl !
-http://www.zoekertjes.be/photos/4491foto.JPG
…the best and most beautiful Volvo ever….the…
“”"” AMAZONE “”"
ja,alles ok?
have you seen e, i or o?
ja,naturlich
Arab and German go to Hell
One Arab and one German died at the same time. They appeared before the St. Peter who had to decide where they would go. “In your life you committed a lot of sin, and therefore you have to suffer! You will definitely go to Hell. But you have the chance now to chose whether to go to the Arab part of Hell or to the German part of Hell,” said St. Peter. “But listen, in either part of Hell you have to eat a bucket of shit every day for 8 years!” he added.
Both men reasoned the situation. They had no other chance but to accept that decision. The German decided to go to the Arab part of Hell, because he was fed up of living in Germany his entire life, and the Arab decided to go to the German part for similar reasons.
After two years they were allowed to meet in the “free zone.” So when they met they discussed their experience. The German asked the Arab, “pal, how are the things over there?”
The Arab said, “awful, I can’t stand it any more and I don’t know what to do either. Every day punctually at 2 P.M. (you know Germans), they bring a bucket of shit and I have to eat it instantly! And how is the situation with you?”
“Fantastic, I have nothing to grumble about and I am happy and I enjoy being there!” the German answered.
“How come?” asked the Arab.
“It’s very simple, you know Arabs. Just like in your situation I am brought the bucket of shit daily at 2 PM. But one day they can’t find the bucket, the other day there is no one to bring it, the next day there is not enough of shit, then the following day they forget to bring it, the other day they say ‘malesh’ (they forgive), then they have the religious holidays lasting for several days, then Ramadan, then Bayram feasts twice a year, every day they pray, and so on.”
——————————————————German tourist at McDonald`s
A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, “They don’t serve beer here, you moron!”
The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle.
“And what’s so funny?” the New Yorker demands.
Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!”
———————————————————Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant? The food is great, but an hour later, you’re hungry for power.
—————————————————-
: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German?
A: A Beaner-Schnitzel
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How do you double the value of a Trabant? Fill up the tank!
soon to come : JOA IN GERMANY
http://www.rnw.nl/data/files/images/2904814433_e9ee584efe_o.jpg
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in Octoberfest,Munchen…