That my dog had her own set of keys to the apartment, knew how to use them and understood traffic laws so that she  could take herself out to pee without getting run over, dog napped or kicked by the unstable short squatty obnoxious woman down the street who practically threatened to kill me (and called me every colorful name in “the book of name-calling if you call a trailer home”)  for suggesting she put her dog on a leash. What a fool.

Asshole dog syndrome, also known as ADS:

Asshole dogs are not born assholes. No, they acquire ADS because they weren’t properly trained, or cared for, by their owners, also known as: asshole dog owners or ADO’s. A fine example of an ADO  is the horrific woman (mentioned above) and her poorly trained, neglected, soon-to-be-road-kill dog. One day, last week, as I was walking my dog (on a leash, naturally) I see a woman , short stout laziness oozing from every pore, standing across the street. She was calmly calling out a name.. not moving.. or suggesting that anything had gone wrong. In fact, she was calling out the name so quietly I assumed she was calling to a cat. Nothing alarming. Anyfleabag, my dog is in poop stance when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a small black wiry dog comes and gets into my dogs face. I pull my dog back, because clearly this dog was aggressive, my dog began to growl because this dog was going at her face while she was in mid-shit. I look around and see not-so-pretty and plump walking at the pace of a snail , calmly calling dog. I was livid. I looked her dead in the beady little  eye and said “put your dog on a fucking leash”.  Yes. I used the F word for two good reasons:

1. As a dog owner, if your dog behaves aggressively, especially while unleashed, toward another dog in such a way that the owner of the other dog has to pull their dog back on the leash and/or pick up their dog, the proper thing to do would be to *run* to the situation, promptly KNEEL DOWN,  grab your dog and apologize.

2. As a dog owner, it is your responsibility to have your dog on a leash at all times in the presence of cars going 45 mph, or anywhere near any kind of street/road. This Lardy-Roast of a woman not only sat back and watched as her dog crossed one traffic-laden street but sat back and watched as it crossed TWO traffic heavy intersections.. and on top of that,  had the audacity to verbally assault me for calling her on it

Just for the record, I did not even bother giving her the time of day in regards to getting into any sort of verbal argument with her. I turned, let out a sigh because it was obvious to me, and to the families and loads of people crossing the street to go to into the park, that this woman was clearly unstable. It was no surprise why the dog ran away in the first place. Hell, I would run too..fast and far. The fact is, is that it wasn’t about her, or me,  it was about the dog and when I see someone doing something that can seriously endanger an animal because they refuse to bend at the waist, then you had better believe I am gonna call them on it. At least make an effort to get your dog out of harms way.

Note to human pig-on-a-spit: If you ever come near my dog, or me, that house you own will be mine and so will your dog.

Another reason that I feel so strongly about this is that my dog, Daisy, was hit by a car last June. We were at a party, had her on her leash when we were outside, when we went inside the house, we took her leash off..Toward the end of the night, the front door was cracked open, she followed someone out to the front patio (a good distance from the sidewalk and far from a driveway), people were petting her, she was not wandering alone but I didn’t want her outside leashless regardless.. I came to call her in and she followed me but just as we were about to be inside, Daisy sees a cat across the street and makes a mad dash toward the cat … just as a truck was coming up the road. I ran after her, I was frantically screaming her name to stop but her instinct to chase this cat caused her to abandon all reason and I watched, in horror, as she was nicked by the tire of the truck, her 10 pound little body twisted and thrown about 3 feet. It was the worst day of my life. Luckily, after  $4000.00 in surgery to put a plate in her hip, 12 weeks of sleeping next to her every night on the floor so that she literally would not try to walk at all.. and watching her suffer in such exruciating pain and agony, she has finally made a full recovery. The guilt, however, will never go away. She was outside on the patio for about 30 seconds, the time it takes most people to get the dog from the front door to the car in their driveway.You can’t assume that your dog will always follow you or take your commands, not matter how well-trained they are and I don’t care how wide of a load you are carrying on that 5’4 frame of yours: run, bend the fuck over, grab your dog…make an effort.

Daisy after surgery:

After Accident

Crack Luscious