Previously…

Deployment Manager

Privately Held ; Internet industry

October 2007 – August 2008 (11 months)
Other than working a lot and then getting laid off at the worst time possible, I invented two drinks: The Avalanche beta and The Avalanche alpha ,at a company party…

Both contained equal parts of rum and mountain dew.

Beta contained a splash of pineapple
Alpha contained a splash of cranberry.

The End.

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insert boring here
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QA Engineer

Privately Held ; Computer Games industry

2000 – 2003 (3 years)

Basically, I showed up everyday…(oftentimes I was still drunk from the night before so a co-worker had to drive me in), sat around with the rest of my hard working, loud farting, department and made fun of marketing and sales.

I had a fish tank, with a live fish in it, on my desk. One of the majorly cracked out customer support reps dropped LSD into the tank for fun, after I had gone home one evening, and killed it.

Other than that, we partied a lot, I smoked a lot of cigarettes and I laughed a lot…in fact, I was called into the office once because “I laughed for 20 minutes straight” – cheers to middle management!

… and lastly, contrary to popular belief, I was not screwing the CEO.

Thanks for the good times.
xx

Honors and Awards: Far too many to count..I am just that outstanding.

Every Beer Helps ™