It suxkckz

When I was about 5 I began experiencing strange symptoms. Symptoms such as:

- racing pulse

- palpitations strong enough to take my breath away…

- abnormal blood pressure at age 12.. and never a normal EKG

By the time I reached 19 it got worse. I began having such severe palpitations that it would wake me and my pulse would read at anywhere from 140-165. I would get dizzy and whatever.. mind you, I never drank alcohol, I didn’t smoke or even drink coffee.. but when I went to the doctor they insited it was all in my head…

The doctor used to joke and ask me if ” I ate monkey brains” as though  that would somehow explain my constant cardiac arrest.

I did not find it amusing.

Being a woman, I was told it was “emotional” and was constantly asked whether or not I used meth/speed.. which I have never done EVER.

I spent about three months in and out of the ER.. everyone thinking I was nuts until one day when he ran a strip he saw something VERY abnormal.. and demanded that I be attached to a holter monitor for the next 24 hours.

So basically what they do, it stick you full of this shit here and monitor your heart rate/rhytum for 24 hours…

Well, after being accused of lying, being on drugs and being ” an emotional woman” my doctor reads the strip and.. his words “whoa, there is something going on here and it has to do with your left ventricle”… and sends me to a cardiologist to have an ultra sound of my heart.

I was fucking scared shitless. All I wanted was a pill or someone to say, yes you have a prolapsed valve..anything that could be corrected.. but no, he put me on beta blockers ( Propranolol) and sent me on my way.

Now. This was a problem. I was already severely depressed from being sick and from being treated like “it was all in my head for so long” . Beta blockers pretty much block the adrenaline therefore your heart rate should remain kind of constant rather than skipping and racing. Downside… it can cause super low blood pressure and exasperate depression.. like I was on a half a pill and I could not walk without help, my blood pressure was so low. Also, I became kinda cuckoo depressed. I just wanted to be normal and to sleep without my heart pounding out of my chest ( you could see it when I was lying down, no joke).

Anyway, I have regular EKG’s and I fail them every time. I was born with a murmur that I thought went away … I normally dont think about it.. like if my heart starts to beat off i bear down and/ or bend over and it usually regulates itself.. unless I haven’t eaten and the blood sugar is out of whack.

So I dont know why I mentioned this but if you have this condition I would like to know when/how long you lived so that I can plan accordingly

xoxoxoxocxo

fuck hearts