So, the other day as I was driving down some dull road I got to thinking about our upcoming move, to a country where I will have little else to do other than sling beers illegally and/or burden myself with babies, and I started to freak out a bit and worry: Is this it for me?
Don’t get me wrong, I plan to DO lots and to see every inch of every surrounding country. I feel very lucky in that regard but I am leaving the land of opportunity at a pivotal point in my life. I won’t be getting any younger. Germany is 9 hours ahead and right now I need every hour I can get. I am too old to frivolously waste anymore time yet I am far too young to toss in the towel … these next few years are important and I am leaving America no more sure of what it is I am supposed to be doing than I did 10 years ago, which makes me panic a little.
Biggest fears:
I am afraid of leaving before I’ve had a chance to do anything remotely wonderful.
I am afraid of being nothing. Just another person who grew old, fat, and contributed zilch.
Sure, there are things I could do, but the best things I can think of all lead me back here. And if/when I do come back, there is a good chance that it may be too late. I am very confused.
I started to compile a list of things that I could do while living in Europe. They aren’t exactly fabulous things. They wont make me famous or increase my bank account by much. But I have GOT to do something. I am no longer on meds, the weather in Germany is freezing, and I will be spending unthinkable amounts of time alone…if I don’t make a plan, it could very well kill me.
1.Write a book on my travels: B-O-R-I-N-G.
2. Continue to write this blog and perhaps learn how to properly spell and punctuate.
3. I could become a waitress at Hooters (because that’s just what I’ve always wanted to do, as an aging woman in a foreign country).
4. Purchase a vacation home in Maui and retire (from what?) early. Retired.
5. I could write a book about what it’s like not knowing what the hell you want to be when you grow up, only to learn that you are already grown up and therefore you are majorly fucked on a scale from 1-10.
… the possibilities are all dead ends, except for #4.
5 Comments
My sister had to move to Germany twice (not counting the time she was born there). Um, her fave things were drinking, riding the train to Austria for Oktoberfest, drinking, and calling me at like 3am drunk to tell me what a shit head her husband was. She had 1 kid before moving there the first time. 2 kids in tow the second time she moved there. Her husband was gone a lot cuz he was military. She would hang out with other military wives. They took shopping trips by bus to the Czech Republic (I don’t know, I guess stuff was cheaper there?).
She was mainly lonely and Germans seemed abrasive to her since she grew up in Southeastern USA for most of her life. But she liked drinking. And Germans like drinking, so I think that was the common ground. She ended up living worse places after that in the USA, so I don’t think she disliked Germany any worse than some other places she ended up. She never wrote a book or anything. She passed away young though, so make sure you do what you want…make yourself happy.
No matter what that is…even if it’s being drunk & going on shopping trips with other women.
Well if it doesn’t happen for some weird reason, don’t fret it. If it ends up in the cards, well then give it a chance. It will be whatev you make out of it and you could always come back, right?
Well Colleen, it’s quite normal you’re concerned.After all it’s a big step….forwards..? Maybe not , but what’s the difference of beeing bored in the US, or beeing bored in Germany….At least you’ve got allot of opportunities , seeing other countries at close range,the exitement of all those new impressions. Meeting new friends , a new environment, learning a new language….and maybe meeting people who can help you to work as a model.
I’m pretty sure things wil be much clearer once you’ve setteled over there. Maybe you need a couple of mounths to get aclimatised , and this period is the most dangerous to my opinion.You don’t know many people, don’t know the language,don’t know where the pubs are ( i doubt that !!!), the better shops etc….
I don’t think there is a hooter’s in Munich…but I could be wrong…..but i’m pretty sure they gonna be verry happy whit your solicitation…..
Also, I really want you to go on with the blog….otherwise i’m lost…haha….and we will be able to write on the same time !
So,please girl….stop worrying….take it like it come’s….it’s the beginning of something much better ! ( and why not having a baby…..)You’re still young after all…..!
-http://www.funnyhub.com/content_images/4341_2171_hooters-protest.jpg
Thanks ladies and guy.
Don’t worry blog isn’t going anywhere. I think will be a great way for me to jot things down.
I will sort it out. I am not afraid of meeting new people.The language thing doesn’t really bother me that much either. I just panic that I am running out of time and I don’t like that feeling.
There is no way that it could be any worse than it is here, where everything is stale.
yeah, good luck with that.