Joan of Arse - Read it and Weep. 2

bubba

February 3, 2012

Bubba is the best.

Remember that whole deal G had about screaming for an hour or 10 in our arms before going sleepy time every night? Well, those days are over. Bam, just like that. She still ain’t sleeping through, but whatever. Hip Hip Hooray.

This past week she has discovered that everything in this world is within reach and her feet are her new BFF’s . She could roll around all day grabbing at them and trying to fit them into her mouth, which will never happen because they are just too huge ( she hit the jackpot in the prehistoric foot department). Ahhh she loves them so much now, just wait until she’s 13 wearing size 10 shoe… I really wish there way a way I could have turned that gene off, it was not in the plan!!! Sorry babe!

She had her U5 Dr. appointment yesterday and I got majorly bitched out when I told them that I hadn’t started her on solids yet. The nurse/wife lady was very upset with me and told me that I screwed up and now G would never know how to eat from a spoon properly and blah bla blah. So I straight up lied and told her that I had “actually tried to give her a little,er, like a month ago, but, um, she spit it out and so I didn’t offer it again” to shush her up because I was not in the mood … I hate lying but not nearly as much as I hate being made to feel like that lady had me feeling. I mean, shit. Really?

Anyway, G got her shots and everything is going well. No news about our move yet, soon though, very soon.

Fuck I’m tired.

Be easy xo

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osker’s a FREAK

January 31, 2012

blah blah blah –> @ 1:41

here, let me google it for you

mmmbyeeee

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Winter…

January 25, 2012

I don’t like you

Ready to go home. Waiting to hear when.

On the edge of my uncomfortable seat.

Any day now… ugh, ugh, ugh.

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Five Months Old!

January 14, 2012

Stats:

Height: 69cm (27.1 in)

Weigh: 7.04 kg (15.5 lb)

This month has been exhausting. She went from being an incredibly alert baby to being a cracked out alert baby,like overnight one night, last month.

This child needs CONSTANT stimulation. She can stand about 10 -15 minutes TOPS doing one particular thing and then we have to reposition her completely or else the whining gets louder and LOUDER. Walks in the stroller are sort of getting easier because the scenery is constantly changing and so it distracts her from the fact that she is stuck having to sit still. However, after 30 minutes of anything, no matter what it is, she starts to protest. The Ergo is still the only guaranteed way of getting her to sleep and remain content for longer than 30 minutes, which is starting to hurt my back pretty bad.

She does not sleep- goes to bed between 9 and 10pm after an hour of screaming and then wakes every hour until 7am, when she wakes for good. She does not nap for more than 10 minutes at a time. If I am lucky.

For her five month present I got her a sleep sheep and all that I hope for is that the sound will drown out noises in the house so that she doesn’t wake up every time a pin drops. I did mention that she is a light sleeper, right?

Oh hey! The babbling strike ended, last night… at 4am. Whoo hoo!

As far as what she loves: one of her favorite things, still, is being read to and she has obvious favorites when it comes to books. I always give her two options and let her choose (by grabbing the book). She consistently chooses the same books and gets really pissed off it I go ahead and read the other one anyway. She also turns the pages now.

omg i am so tired.

Lately our days consist of me running around in circles trying to keep her from getting bored. I don’t shower much anymore. We’ve been going on long walks every day, despite the lousy weather. Yesterday as we were walking back from the vet, she decided she was over it and began to scream just as it started to snow and just as my hands were 99 % frozen off. I had to dig through the diaper bag with stiff frozen fingers to find my iphone so that I could youtube a fricken vacuum cleaner sound so that she would stop screaming until we got home. hahah you can only imagine what a sight (and sound) that was: me pushing a screaming baby through the pouring snow with the sound of a hoover on full blast coming from inside the pram. HAHHAH omg.

She is also pointing now and pinching, mostly my tit. Yay for me. I let her pinch the part that is nerve damaged and numb from my boob job though, so it works out.

Although she isn’t rolling anymore she has started to do this funny wiggle while on her back and can wiggle herself around and off of her play mat. She really gets into it when she’s got no clothes on, squirming and squealing (while I cry and take swig after swig from a bottle of brandy… and then let out a squeal of my own).

hey, don’t judge.

Overall she is a wonderful child. Sure, I wish we’d all get more sleep but, as my neighbor said, it’s better that she is alert and curious than sitting there like a blob. Easier said! She has an incredibly active (hopefully NOT ADD) mind and it’s amazing to watch her discover the world and it’s also amazing to see how many different shades of purple i am capable of wearing beneath my eyes.

Other things of interest:

she looks incredibly cute in the color orange.

it looks like there could be a tooth coming in?!

she has pooped three times today.

if she is upset and you start to sing “the wheels on the bus” to her, she lights right up and flashes the biggest smile, EVER!

next month we start solids (attempting to try our own version of “baby lead weaning”…hmm)AND we are switching out the bassinet for the seat on her stroller which means it will actually FOLD up!

Alrighty then! THAT took 8 hours.

(here she is inspecting her new hot pink trousers. this was five minutes before she completely blew them out PTHTHTHTH)

<– putting down the rubber dicky.

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Tricking the baby to sleep

January 12, 2012

after dinner, I fed her, put her into her jammies and then into her snowsuit, strapped her in the carrier and took the dog for a nice long walk.

within five minutes she was out.

when we returned, I removed her from her snowsuit and, while she was still half passed out from the walk, nursed her a little bit more to take her to the next level. once I felt her go heavy, I put her into the bassinet, turned the sleep sheep on the screaming whale setting and snuck out of the room.

I have not been in that room since 9:15, it is now 9:45…

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title shmitle

January 12, 2012

This past month has been the worst.

The baby doesn’t sleep and when she is awake, she is miserable.

Getting her down at night consists of us holding and rocking her while she screams at the top of her lungs for up to two hours. (she did not have “colic” this is a recent thing)

When we do manage to get her to sleep, we have to tiptoe around because the slightest creak will wake her up. If we make it to midnight without waking her just by walking past the door, we are guaranteed to get woken up at least 3 times, or, like last night, every 20 minutes for the remainder of the night. (why bother sleeping at all!)

Naps don’t happen. Unless, of course, I have her in the carrier or in the stroller. But even then the timing has to be right and if she stays asleep for 30 minutes it’s a miracle. In addition to not sleeping, ever, she whines constantly. Like, according to whatever I read on the innernetz, she should be babbling and making sounds like “ma” and “ha”. Welp, not my baby! Mine just whines “eeeeh eeeh”. All day long, non-stop.

Taking her out is never fun. I pretty much force myself to do it, or avoid it completely. Walks never end pleasantly and grocery shopping is a dreadful experience. She doesn’t wake peacefully…

So today, this morning, after zero hours of sleep, I finally said fuck it and took her to the doctor. There must be SOMETHING wrong with her. Anything!? Please?! Find something!? And just to clarify it’s not about me. Sure, It’d be nice to have 3 hours in a row of non-interrupted sleep, but babies NEED sleep. Their brains need it to grow. Sleep lowers their stress levels and makes them happy little people. Also, I am concerned because milestones are no longer being met like they were before (rolling over, sitting, babbling) and I am wondering if it is because she doesn’t get enough rest.

So, at the doctor:

Ears? clear.

Throat? clear.

Heart and lungs? clear.

Eyes? clear.

Belly? clear.

Teeth? nope, not teething either. I was surprised to hear this considering the amount of drool constantly dripping down her chin and because she has become so fond of biting…

She has gained about 1.5 pounds in 3 weeks (she is 15.5 pounds and 69 cm long), so it’s not like she’s hungry. In fact, she is well above the 50th percentile for weight and in the 98th for height. So, physically, she is growing.

The doctor thinks that she is bored. HA HA HA omgfuckingshootme. Seriously? I mean, I’ve got a rotation that consists of about 3o different “unique” activities that we go through each day beginning at 7 am (in no particular order) when we drag our miserable bodies out of bed. I am constantly holding her, talking to her, in her face trying to get her to say something other than “eeeeh”… it’s not working!

Fuck me in the ass without any grease.

Also, regarding those milestones, she’s stopped rolling over. She was doing it pretty consistently but now, nothing. She’d just rather lie there and whine. She isn’t sitting (without complete assistance), or playing with her feet either and when we call her she ignores us. She is hating on everything.

As far as the night time routine, I’ve tried an earlier bedtime, a later bedtime,a bath before bedtime, more books, less books, more blankets AND less blankets (at the same god damn time). And she still cries to the point of vomiting each and every delightful night.

I thought “hmm maybe she has allergies?” so I removed the rug/dust trap and the dresser out of the room. If you remember ( I think I wrote about it, er ?), when we first got the dresser it stunk to high ~~hell~~ heaven of whatever chemicals were in the paint or glue. I aired it out for almost two months before putting it in the room but the smell still lingered a little and you never know. Anyway, neither of these things has helped.There’s nothing left to rearrange.

The only thing she likes is her jumperoo (at least she is capable of liking something!). Problem is, is that I don’t think it’s good for her hips to be in it for more than 30 minutes a day, max. However, I am desperate and this (-) close to letting her sleep in it, if that means we can go three hours without “eeeeeeh”.

how can someone SO cute….

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The Incredible Shrinking MILF

January 7, 2012

OK, well not really but it sure feels like it.

here I was at 36 weeks:

38 weeks:

here I am at 4 months post:

Not too shabby considering that I am not dieting at all. Although walking up 6 flights of stairs both during pregnancy, carrying 4 bags of groceries, and after, carrying a baby AND 4 bags of groceries, probably deserves some credit. I have started doing 30-40 minutes a day of light weights/pilates to help me tone up and also because I am hoping it will help me to cope with my anxiety so that I don’t have to go back on meds. Sometimes when I am feeling especially anxious or nervous doing some jump ropes and/or lunges makes me feel really good, like a good stretch first thing in the morning, not like I am working out at all. It’s hard to explain because I was expecting to be out of breath, gasping for air, once I started working out again.
Anyway, I am also feeling pretty desperate for some warmth and some sun. It has been snowing, but mostly raining, on and off these past few weeks and this whole “getting dark at 4Pm , sunrise at 8am” nonsense makes me feel like a big shit. Last night around 3am, while I was up with the bb, I was lchecking out the sunrise/sunset chart and the days are slowly getting longer! I think it was something like an hour more of sunlight each month. Shoot, I will take anything I can get!

Typing of 3am, baby is having some serious sleep issues. She will not nap unless I have her strapped to me in the carrier (another cause of backpain) and getting her to sleep at night is something my entire building dreads. Oh, and as you can probably guess, she is not sleeping through. I try to be consistent with the nighttime routine but, I swear, if I am 5 minutes late (or early as I found out the hard way last night) getting started its shrieks and screams to the point of vomiting for an hour while IN MY ARMS (the only person crying it out in this house is my husband) before she will settle into sleep. Talk about diva. Srrsly. What the heck.

Other than that she is just an angel! She loves her jumperoonie-roo and she is quite happy and giggly most of the time, as long as she isn’t bored, which she tends to get quite easily. She is a liiiittle high maintenance, this one. Also, she has become terrified of strangers. On Christmas Eve we went to a friends house for dinner (wait, did I tell you this story?). It was a small gathering but it was too much for her. Anytime anyone looked at her , she cried…and cried aaaaand cried. In fact, she cried so hard we had to leave before dinner was even served.

Soooo, I signed us up for Gymboree and we start Tuesday. I am sorry, but I cannot have a socially nervous child and if it means taking two trains (which we will have to) and walking ten blocks in the snow (this too) in order to socialize this child properly, I am doing it. We have no family here so the majority of the time it’s just us and we are cooped up indoors, so I get why she’s freaking out and I feel terrible about it.

Welp, we are going for a walk, in the snow, to get some good old fashioned German fresh air… chow ya later!

(post typed with one hand, excuse all of it)