Joan of Arse - Read it and Weep. 30

Soooooo tired

November 3, 2010

I am pretty fucking stressed out. This past month in particular has been rough. I have to admit, while I didn’t think it would be easy to find work here (that didn’t involve wiping an ass or sucking a dick) , I certainly did not realize the challenge I was up against…

So the other day a friend of mine and I were discussing the situation and she pretty much gave me the low-down on why it can be so hard for women my age to find work. Basically, I am not a desirable candidate, regardless of my infinite level of fabulousness, due to the fact that as far as they are concerned, I am getting laid *holding back laughter* and therefore I “could” get pregnant..and if I “did” get pregnant they would not only be required to “hold” my position for me, if I choose to return, for 2 years, but they would also have to pay a huge portion (like 60%) of my salary to me during that period. That is kind of a big sucky deal and apparently everyone can eat shit.

Hmm, so yeah, I have “of childbearing age” going against me, ( FYI: I was advised NOT to say that I was “neutered” in my cover letter), in addition to not speaking Herman good enough…in addition to NOT wanting to be a nanny because additionally, Herman children terrify me and their strollers are the size of SUV’s which makes me want to kick them over at about the same rate that I want to accidentally thrust my foot out when a doucher bicyclist passes by me at 50mph an inch away from my grouchy face.

AnyfuckthisShit, either way, I am not missing the US as much anymore. Whenever I get sentimental or want to harm myself and/or others, I just read the news and that all goes away. Although I hate to admit it, I read Facebook OCCASIONALLY and I don’t really see anyone doing that much better over there than I am over here…The grass is definitely NOT greener back in the U-S of Ghey. On the same token, I feel like I am having a mini-identity crisis, as in I feel like I have no identity anymore. There are days when I feel like my life is over. What am I supposed to be doing here? What AM I doing here? Who IS Navin R. Johnson? And then I drink 10 shots of tequila and get over it.

Besides, the way I look at it, is that hand jobs are universal, so if I have to resort to giving them for a living, I may as well do it here where my chances of “death by drive-by” are next to nil. You know what I’m sayin’?

Hmmm, so today was going to be special (for absolutely NO reason at all, really) but now it looks like bag is “too sick to go in to the office”, in other words, he is lame, and so he will be “working (aka: whacking off and digging in his ass) from home”.. just fucking swell. I had to put up with an entire night of his heavy breathing and now this… is 8:00am too early to start drinking? methinks not.

**UPDATE**: bag is OUT the dooooooooooor. holla!

For a loser, my list of things to do today is long and so I must bid you all adieu. xx

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HallowPEEN 2010

November 2, 2010

Our first Halloween in Munich was kind of a bust, mostly due to the fact that they don’t really celebrate it here (boooooring). In fact, at 12am on Nov 1 bars / clubs are, I guess, “forced” to shut off the music and the party pretty much ends in honor of “All Saints Day” … totally L-A-M-E. We did go out on Saturday though, I went as Marie Antoinette, bag went as a “King” (people thought he was the “Burger King” ha ha ha, fucking perfect) .. we headed to some area with a bunch of clubs and I just wasn’t feelin’ it, so we were home by 3am.

Next year we are going to have a seriously amazing house party. I am going to dress bag up as Jewbacca…Costumes required.

Anyway, I uploaded a few pics to Twitter but the phone on my Blackberry hardly inspires me to take photos.

NEED.NEW.CAMERA.

Other than that, I ate about 500 lbs of chocolate this weekend thanks to Frankzzzz who sent me, what appears to be, every type of Belgian chocolate known to man along with Stella Artois beers, a Stella glass and some delicious Belgian coffee. My entire fridge WAS full of truffles, dark chocolates, banana cream things…omg, I don’t even know! Came just in time for Halloween! Argh!!! Every time I open the fridge I put on 10lbs. (but it’s soooo good!!)

Yesterday a friend and I went for a walk in the park. It was pretty cool too see autumn in full force. The colors of the leaves were amazing. Cool shit. Again, would have been nice to have been able to take real pics but..

Next weekend we are going on some “party tram” with our friend.

Gawd this Herman TV programming really is SHIT. I have to get out of here… take it easy whores.

xoxo

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We’re cool…boring as fuck, but cool.

October 25, 2010

Will I ever wake up on a Monday and not feel like I’ve been beaten down? Eh. I think it’s time to change the record. F’real.

This weekend was alright though. Friday I had dinner with a friend who had just returned from Indonesia two days prior and was feeling the jet-lag pretty bad, so she wound up heading home after nearly falling asleep, face first, in her soup. I returned home to a perfectly chilled bottle of vodka, which is why I didn’t make it out of bed until nearly 4pm the following day… pretty sad, considering we didn’t leave the house…(vodka and Jersey Shore, what more does a girl need?)

Saturday we had planned on meeting up with aforementioned friend (I fucking love this woman) at a club however while we were at dinner, I received a text from her (11pm) saying she was too drunk and that she was heading home (to vomit, literally). Within’ minutes of receiving her text another friend of ours texts and says “you out? we are at… come join” , which happened to be directly across the street from where we were eating, so we scurried on over, nearly getting hit by a bus, and wound up drinking, dancing and acting a fool until close to 5am. I only dropped one shot (I swear it SLIPPED out of my hand), one beer and knocked over countless glasses of water. Pretty standard moves. Luckily the bartender was nice and hooked us up with some freebies.

Sunday I woke up around 1, thinking I was back in San Francisco. I had a look around, realized I was NOT in SF, got depressed for 10 minutes and then slammed a shot of vodka. Other than migrating from the bed to the couch I pretty much remained horizontal for the remainder of the day. Had planned on going to dinner, but slept through it and now here it is, Monday again. Monday’s are the absolute worst for so many reasons.

Anyway, one of my best friends was supposed to have come out last week but a family member of hers fell ill and so she had cancel her flight last minute. Pretty bummed about that, but she is coming out in November instead, which is just a few short days away… as is Halloween, which I hear they don’t really celebrate here. I still got a costume though, and I am dressing up regardless. These people can kiss my ass, but not really.

Are you still with me? Have I bored you to death? Need a special hug?

…doin’ it South Central style, word.

bai.

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Hai, kk, bai…

October 22, 2010

Sorry, haven’t posted much… been busy doing next to nothing.

Here is a quick recap of my week:

Tweets: 17,688

Ghey pony videos on Youtube: infinite…

Ghey pony photo courtesy of Samplepickel. Thank you SO very much it is priceless my friend, trewly priceless:

(it’s never gonna get old and it’s never gonna end. Ghey Pony is here to stay…)

# of people I’ve blocked on Twitter: 2

# of times Frankzzz shaved his balls: 1

# of times Frankzzz TOLD me about shaving his balls: 4

Hours spend studying Herman: at least 15…or possibly less.

Bottles of wine consumed: 5 ( a bottle a day keeps so-and-so away … or was that an apple.. or do I even give a fuck)

# of blow jobs given: 0 ( neener neener )

Distance from here to Ikea via train: 1 hour, each way. *Gawd I hate that fucking place*

forgotten-remembered-forgotten-remembered-forgotten-remembered… I haven’t forgotten…

AnyScatteredMess, I have to go and make myself fabulous now. Dinner with my friend tonight *This is my first night out, sans Bag, just the girlssssss!! yessssss!!*

Keep it creepy…call me sometime.