Every time I am about to get my coffee, effing Jesus calls and messes it all up. I swear to GAWD… What’s he want anyway? He’s so pushy.

Tonight’s gonna suck and I’m gonna tell you why in 5…let me grab my coffee. Ok, back. The husbands family are coming over for dinner. MASS SUCK. I don’t like boyfriend/husband family junk …well except for my first huband Gomez’s family. His aunt still often sends me cards on  my birthday and always signs it “aunt”…uncle was so sweet, he was an ex-smoker and showed me all sorts of spots on his arms (didn’t speak english) and pointed at my cig..shaking head. Gomez shared the news with him that I quit smoking years later and that pleased him…which pleased me. And, of course, I cannot forget grandma who is now prolly like 105 years old. I only had the pleasure of meeting her once, and she, like uncle didn’t speak english, but we had a special bond. Gomez said it was odd how often she would ask about me randomly out of the blue. I am sad that I haven’t seen them. I wish them well… I’m gonna write them a letter.

Ok, so tonights deal. I just cannot like husbands mom. Probably because she doesn’t like me and that’s just perposterous! Little young philandering me? Crazy talk. Anyeatinaintcheatin, I used to be sweet and nice and not say much but the honeymoon is ovaaaah and I am finding it more difficult to keep my mouth shut. For instance, I do not want to change my last name. It is sorta mine and I want to keep it. Besides, I am not a jew and I do not wish to be confused as one and his last name is clearly Jewish. I suggested we change his last name, or re-write it somehow so that it is a bit less obvious but I was almost thrown out of a moving car for thinking it and so that conversation ended quick style. Still wont do it though. I don’t even want a last name. I have no family. No connection to anyone whos last name would be meaningful after my meaningless first name. I HATE TONIGHT. Ok, so the positive is that his Grandparents will be here and that is nice, I like them. Although, I often think Grandpa thinks I’m a bit of a floozy (smart man, he’s totally on to me).

I can only promise one thing, that by the time the clock strikes 8 , there will be at least 5 shots down the hatch and the pain of faking nice will not be felt.

Alrrriiiiiggght, I have to get up and play house, as in, clean it….this is aging me so. This was the most lame ass boring post in the world. I am just not feelin’ it. Although I had another dream that really pissed me off last night which usually gets the verbage flowing..no such luck.

I love some of you, but not most,

xx Crack Luscious

PS

Stay tuned. I have some dirt on Oprah , and the people she personally employs,  that may change the worlds view of her.. and it has nothing to do with her minge. This is the REAL DEAL and I got it from a source that is in direct contact with her and her HARPO company. I  have to think this one through before I post it…so give me some time (and those 5 shots of vodka). Thx