Disillusioned. Saddened. Defeated.

All synonyms for DISAPPOINTMENT. Nuff said.

Today I turn to my trusty tarot for answers and I do a four card spread (past, present, future, overall misery)…I call it “The Four Fucks”.

First card – representing the past or foundation of the issue.

0 – Beginnings: innocence which protects, optimism (yeah right), innocent trust.

Basically, starting all over again…which really sucks in my opinion because I thought I had it all sorted out and was good to go.

Second card- representing the present misery.

XIII- Transformation: The need to allow something TO DIE (aha!) in order to make room for the new. Painful change that is necessary (I’ve got LOADS of vicodin, bring it on). Creating life from death. Touching, really, and PAINFULLY OBVIOUS.

Third Card- representing the future if shit continues as is.

King of testicles Pentacles: Steadfastness. The ability to create wealth (it’s about fucking time). Someone who personifies these forces. Real estate transactions (Hey FC don’t DIRTCH  me now!).

Great, I could use a house… ideally England, or France. Anywhere but here. Anywhere but here. Lissen me good.

Fourth Card – representing the overall message and the lesson, most likely, not to be learned.

Seven of Cups: HAHAHAH what a classic. Ok, overindulging in thoughts of what the future may hold (oxymoron). Daydreams…time to wake up and smell the empty pickle jar. Fascinating. Really, is it THAT bad to wonder about ones future and isn’t that why people TURN to tarot? Fuck me hard gently.

Lesson NOT learned. I am off to BBQ some dead meat with my husband which will, in turn, CREATE A POOP. While it is cooking, I will try very very hard not to think about my future which may include buying a house or becoming rich – evil thoughts. Then I will down a bottle of vicodin to rid me of the pain associated with passing such a large poop.

The end.

I leave you with a song.

ta’

CL

P.S. I threw it out. Every last bit of it. Fuck you and you and you and you.

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