04-handle-me

Let’s partially celebrate! A hot hairy bitch turns TWO HUNDRED YEARS OLD today!

Oh my god, a skid mark just looked me dead in the eye.

Men clearly have not evolved at the same rate as women and here are some examples:

1. They still shit their pants long after the invention of toilet paper. There is no excuse for skid marks in 2009.  You can literally dry yourself off after a shower with Charmin, that shits so durable… try it out sometime.

2. They grow hair where they shouldn’t have any and lose it where they should. Whoever put  the male pattern baldness gene into action is a real fucking genius. Hair should protect the body from heat loss; orifices from bacteria/organisms and from the suns UV rays, which is why it makes sense to have hair on the head and even the face… near the pooper and/or  pouring out of your nose like it’s nobodys business..but on the entire back + shoulders and not on the head?? How 600000 years ago… so totally NOT evolved at all.

3. Nipples. Why? Other than for the one year when peircing them was cool back in 1995…when was the last time a man actually used them (600001 years ago I imagine). What a waste of pigment.

4.  Where is my coffee? I take it in morning the second I wake up, everyday, but I still have to remind you to bring it to me, everyday. A woman would never forget such an important thing.. well, on purpose perhaps.

Ok, gotta go de-skid the laundry. Grrrross.

Todays theme song is brought to you by Robyn:

Handle Me

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For Frankz and his two-nipped, skid marked, full head of hair coockie lover misogynist ass:

Me and Jewbacca