It took me TWO valium to even breathe in a straight line…let alone chow down three bowls of Lucky Charms.

For those of you in the dark, valium cures hangovers (among other things)… and when I mean cure, I mean CURE. It stimulates the same parts in the brain as alcohol does, tricking the body into thinking you are still drunk.. therefore, no hangover. It’s like gods little gift to us drunks.

I am on a major cereal bender. Yesterday I consumed nearly an entire box of Cocoa Puffs and today it was Lucky frickin’ Charms. I forgot how delicious crunchy things coated in sugar can be. Délicieux!

So last night we had a little picnic in the park so celebrate the fact that the sun actually came out and stayed out past 4pm..and then we wobbled on over to the beach and had ourselves a little bonfire which was quite nice. We made pee pee hearts in the sand and drank shitloads. I woke up cross-eyed, reeking of campfire smoke. I got some neat pics though which are posted on my twitter. Speaking of which,  if you aren’t following me on Twitter yet, I suggest you get your act together and do so. I have made it so ridiculously easy for you to do…look, at the bottom of this post…. there is a link : FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER. Click that link and get with the program.

If you don’t have an account, I recommend creating one… it is a great way to relay messages back and forth when on the go. Let me give you an example. I have this one fan, let’s call him “V” … he checks my twitter and the photos I post often…but he replies to these posts, or comments on them, using the “Contact Me” form on this website. That is fine and all, but he never enters in his email address correctly (it will be blahblah@blahblah), so if I am out and about I cannot reply to him, therefore, he thinks I am being an asshole. I have tried to explain to him that I YES I DO HAVE YOUR EMAIL, AT HOME…not on my phone, so please, if you cannot get with Twitter, enter in an email that I can reply to.. still doesn’t get it. I cannot make it any more clear. I am not always home, in fact, after 7pm I am rarely home.

So please, just stop and join Twitter.

Alright, I have been putting of this workout which I am dreading. This is how I punish myself for getting retardedly drunk and flashing the police last night.

Oh hey, I forgot to tell y’all. The fucking feds gave me a ticket for having an open container in the car! Total dick! We were parked, relaxing, having a few thousand “beers” ( I am putting the booze in quotes for a reason, keep reading)… rocking out to Queen and along comes Mr. Federal Officer flashing his light at a suspicious “ice cold beer” which I was “holding in my hand”. Anyway, I am going to request a jury trial based on the fact that ” I DIDN”T DO IT “. That is going to be my argument which is why any reference to alchohol in this story is in quotes.

Ma’am : did you or did you not have an open container of beer in your hand while sitting in a parked car?

Me: I DIDN’T DO IT

Ma’am: did I not see you take drink of that beer, in your hand, while sitting in a parked car?

Me: I DIDN’T DO IT

Ma’am: is it true that I am a fat pig and secretly I wanted you to offer me one of them ice cold beers.

Me: I DIDN’T DO IT

Ma’am: rumor has it that you consume mass amounts of taco bell, is this not the case?

Me: I DIDN’T DO IT

and so on and so forth.

Follow me on Twitter. Good day and good bye.

xoxo