I don’t shit, bleed, or fart. I am a sexual tigress with legs for days which are most often seen in the up-and-open position. I have magical crotchless panty-powers which can turn ordinary food items into culinary works of art in the wink of a very experimental brown eye.”Suck, Stir, Fold, Repeat..”, that’s my motto, and I never complain…or fart, oops I already said that.
…and then suddenly you snapped out of it and noticed that my knee was getting dangerously close to your balls.
Reality: I am in a baaad mood and I ate too much popcorn last night which always gives me really terrible gas. In addition to having good old fashioned flatulence, for the past three days my uterus has been furiously contracting, leaving me in excruciating pain which can only be relieved by taking toxic levels of ibuprofen along with lethal amounts of vodka. And ya know what, I haven’t shaved these legs in weeks, and to be honest, I really don’t feel like cooking tonight because I’ll be home late from work and, god forbid, you help me chop an onion without reminding me LOUD AND CLEAR, as I am gripping my lower abdomen with one hand, scratching my hairy leg with the other, and ripping a godzilla-esque fart, that we haven’t had sex in TWO WHOLE DAYS and that you are DYING.
Just shoot me already, or at least have the decency to provide me with some really good drugs.
8 Comments
Sorry Collena…..no posting today….i’m to scared…maybe you have the power to kick my ball’s (2)even at another continent.Thank God for ibufbren,bifidun,fubinerd….or whatever…..and shave your legs !!!!!!( beaver can stay…):-) bye !!
HA!
Send him to me, I’ll have him crying his ass off & too scared to even ask to heat him a “Lean Cuisine”. I have to take so much ibuprofen & I complain non-stop about my cramps that my old man has been trained not to even THINK about sex (well at least NOT with me) until I am done with all that cramping & stuff. He used to be one of these BUT I HAVE TO DO IT EVERY DAY (or 3x a day if I’d let him) but I finally put my fucking foot down.
My uterus is a sacred temple, you never know when you’ll need it for someone else HA HA HA
Tell him there’s a great substitute tool for having sex every hour….it’s called ‘ a hand ‘ !
Or give him a fistfull of dollars and send him to your local brothel ( chinese or mexican….)
a jew can screw….
….or let him pay to have sex with you….as a jew he will refuse..and you are save
http://z.about.com/d/hairremoval/1/0/p/1/-/-/moNique-legs1.jpg
what’s the point?